Fixing That
by gotye
Summary: Natalie finds out Evangeline is alive and John finds out Natalie's pregnant again.
1. Chapter 1

_ok so, here's the sequel, hope you like it. couple of things to point out_

_-in 'fixing this', i lived that pregnancy so, i knew most of that med info was pretty spot on. this time around however, i started to look up the med and legal stuff and then i decided, heck the soap writers don't look this stuff up either so, i figured i would spin it the way i wanted to._

_-i tried really hard to catch any mistakes, spelling and grammar, please let me know if you catch something. i would like to fix it. i can't seem to get the doc to give me more that a single space in between 'scene' changes, i didn't save it that way and just noticed it, it's annoying and i'm sorry. _

_-'alana' is really my irish grandmother's name pronounced ' A-lane-ah' and everyone called her laney 'lane-E' . i've always liked it, thought it would fit._

_-i got John's birthday from the episode where Natalie wishes him a happy birthday and roxy plans a 'surprise' party and blamed it on Natalie. it aired in March of 2005. i couldn't find Natalie's so i searched for Jessica's birthday which is listed as September 23rd, since they are twins..._

_-i miss them like crazy, i don't think anyone knows who owns what at this point but, it still ain't me._

August 4, 2014

"JOHN!" He grunted as he rolled over. His one day off and he can't even sleep in. The bedroom door flew open.

"John? Oh good your awake." She blew into the room and into the bathroom, grabbing a brush and sloppily threw her hair up in a pony tail. She looked just the same as the day they met.

"The dishwasher still isn't working. Did you ever call that guy about fixing it?" She asked as she rushed back threw the other way.

"No, I forgot. I'll call him today." He said as he rolled over. He heard her sigh deeply and say in that voice that said she was disappointed but, wouldn't bother him about it again.

"Ok, thanks." She would have to make due she thought. He worked so hard and deserved to sleep in. She shouldn't have bothered him about it yet but, she'd been up for hours. She hadn't realized how early it was yet. She only worked part time now so she could stay home with the kids more.

They made the decision together but, some days she felt guilty that he worked so hard for them. She would make the time today to hand wash the dishes. It's not that she was above it, it just was a time saver with two young children underfoot.

Right before she closed the door he heard his son, "Mommy, mommy, mommy!"

"Shhh, baby Daddy's sleeping." The door closing shut out the rest of their conversation.

John sighed, there was no point trying to get back to sleep now. After throwing on a pair of jeans and an old t-shirt, he brushed his teeth and hair. Standing at the sink, he looked around, the room was spotless. He walked back through the bedroom and except for the bed, this room was spotless as well.

Feeling a little guilty he made the bed, it wasn't perfect but, it didn't stand out in the room now so much. Making his way down stairs, he looked around their living room, a playpen in the corner, the toys that sometimes litter the floor were in a basket next to the playpen. Crayons and coloring books were neatly stack up on the coffee table. He turned to walk through the dining room and into the kitchen when he stopped dead in his tracks.

His son was sitting at the table eating pancakes and talking around his full mouth to tell his mommy something about a puppy he'd seen running through the back yard and his daughter sitting in her high chair smashing what was left of a banana into the tray and laughing as it squished through her fingers. His beautiful wife, standing at the sink trying to listen to her son and wash the dishes at the same time. She was amazing. She took such amazing care of all of them.

And here she was, instead of getting mad at him for not getting the dishwasher fixed for her, she was letting him sleep in. Whatever needed to be done she did it.

"Daddy!" Liam yelled out catching his attention. He turned to smile at his son.

"The Henderson's got a puppy and it got loose this morning and it was running around in our back yard and it's really cute and I really wanna puppy, can we get a puppy? Can we?" He didn't think Liam even took a breath.

John looked up and caught Natalie's eye, she smiled back at him. He went over and smoothed down his hair and gave Liam a kiss on the head. He looked over at his daughter. Alana Kathleen. They chose Alana, just like Liam's for its meaning; Irish for 'darling child'. John had started calling her 'darling' when she was still in the isolet at the hospital in England, and when he heard the name 'Alana' and its meaning from his mother, he thought it was perfect. His darling little girl. Kathleen for his Grandmother McBain. A woman that he could remember as the perfect grandmother. He recalled all of the cookies and stories and hugs for both Mike and himself when he thought of her.

She had both her father and her big brother wrapped around her finger. Her eyes and smile were all 100% Natalie. He didn't know how he would deny her anything. She reached a banana covered hand out to him and he kissed her on the head and turned to face his wife. She was looking at him oddly.

"What's wrong?" She said quietly. She was wiping her hands off on the towel that had been hanging on her shoulder. He took her hands in his and looked into her eyes.

"I love you", he said simply. He was rewarded with a smile that could light up a room.

"I love you, too", she said as he cupped both her cheeks in his hands and pulled her to him. He kissed her slowly, and deepened it only for a second. When he pulled back he could see she was just as effected as he was. He gently moved her to the side and took her place at the sink.

Natalie stood there for a moment, stunned. John had changed so much over the years but, seeing him so moved at the sight of his family, their family. That was something she never thought she would see.

"I'll call that guy right after I finish these." He told her. She did so much for so many; he needed to make sure he did more for her.

"Sit down and have some coffee, I got this." She stood unmoving obviously stunned. He looked at her with a raised eyebrow wondering if she heard him.

"John, it's your day off-" she started.

"Just…do it", he smirked. He was going to pamper her today, she deserved it.

It was well into the afternoon when his cell rang. They had gotten both kids down at the same time and they were sitting on the couch, he had her in his arms as she was slowly drifting off. Listening to the silence.

"McBain", he answered.

She loved that voice. She loved when he took charge like he did today. It thrilled her and turned her on a little bit too. She had a secret and she didn't know how he was going to take it. They hadn't discussed it, it would definitely be a shock.

"Ok, I'll be right there." He hung up and pulled her closer to him.

"Mmm…don't go…" she begged knowing it was no use. He would go because that was who he was, and she loved him for it.

"I won't be long, I promise. I'll bring something back for dinner. How 'bout that?" He said as he gave her one last squeeze before getting up.

"Be careful", she said. Being a cop's wife and working at the LPD herself she knew the danger every time he walked out the door. He'd lost his own father in the line of duty. She prayed every day her children wouldn't know that kind of pain.

"Always." He told her as he walked out the door. Normal would never be a word to describe their lives. He wouldn't change a thing

"Natalie, I'm home", John said as he came thru the door with a bag of take out that he had promised in his hand. Setting both his keys and the take out down he called, " Liam…hey where are you buddy." Looking thru the dining room into the kitchen searching for his family, and not seeing anyone, he made his way to the stairs, "Hey come on guys, I brought dinner like I promised…..Natalie?"

"I'm here", she said coming down the stairs.

"Are you hungry? I remembered to pick us something to eat….where are the kids?"

Natalie couldn't fight the smile that broke out on her face. Feeling the déjà vu and knowing that this time it would end much better.

"They're with my mom for the rest of the afternoon. I wanted to be alone with my husband", she smiled brightly at him. "Is that ok?"

He felt the déjà vu, too. Because he had something to tell her and this time he had to tell her first before she heard it from someone else.

"I need to talk to you", he said seriously.

"I need to talk to you, too", she said back smiling brightly, "and it's really important."

"So is this", he countered. He stood facing her with his hands on his hips. She stood twisting her wedding ring.

"Ok so every time this happens one of us never gets to talk or say what we need to", she said thinking back to all the other times like this, and things that didn't get said.

"Well…who goes first?" He asked. He couldn't help but smile at her.

"No at the same time…we'll say whatever it is at the same time and then figure out what to deal with first. How's that?" She said. Feeling proud of herself for having thought of it. Wishing she'd thought of it a long time ago. It would have saved them some heartache. Grabbing his hand and leading him to the couch, they both sat down.

"Sounds fair", he sat down next to her and grabbed her hand. She smiled.

"Ok", she started, smiling, "on the count of three….one, two, three…"

*Both at the same time.*

"I'm pregnant."

"Evangeline is alive."


	2. Chapter 2

To say they were both stunned would be understatement.

"You're…pregnant?" He asked hesitantly. He rubbed a hand over his face.

"Evangeline is alive….oh…wow. How? I mean, that's great right? Her family must be so thrilled. What happened John, I mean, they pulled the plug on her. It's not like she was missing." She gasped, "Oh what about Christian? Does he know?" Natalie's mind was running a mile a minute, it took almost a full minute of her rambling to realize that John wasn't listening to her. She looked over at him and saw the look on his face.

"John?" Her stomach dropped, was he really that unhappy about another baby?

"Yeah", he answered distractedly, rubbing his hand back and forth along his chin. He wasn't looking at her.

"Say something", she said softly. She felt the tears welling up in her eyes. It always amazed her how, with every pregnancy she was so weepy. She could cry at the drop of a hat.

He looked up at her now, she couldn't read the look in his eyes. They hadn't talked about another baby. It was just sort of understood, he wanted two, a boy and a girl. That was his vision, it's what he dreamed about. And that was what they had. Their daughter wasn't even two yet. He was thrown. Another baby. The most wonderful thing in the world but, he was scared to death. He had almost lost Natalie the last time. He couldn't go through that again.

"How did this happen?" He stood up and crossed the room.

"Seriously John?" She said getting a little upset. She stood up and crossed over to him. "Are you…are you mad?"

He spun around quickly, "Mad? No, no…I'm not mad." The look on his face was unreadable.

"Then what is it? I mean….I know we haven't really talked about more kids but…I don't….what's wrong?" She crossed her arms across her chest. Waiting for him to continue.

"Sweetheart, I almost lost you both last time. I don't think I can handle that again." He tried to tell her gently but, it came out more as irritation. He passed by her as he paced back across the room.

"Well, we don't really have a choice now, unless….…you want me to get an abortion?" She said in a low voice. She knew that was going too far but it was too late to decide they 'couldn't' do it.

"Natalie-" he started, angry at that comment. Turning to her and pinning her with a glare.

"No John, we…"She started then whispered desperately, "a baby John." She felt the tears prickle at the back of her eyes, she wasn't going to be able to stop them she knew. She put her hands to her belly protectively. He took a step closer to her and pulled her into his arms. Tucking her head under his chin.

"How far along are you?" He asked after a moment, rubbing her back. She wrapped her arms around his waist and held on to him tight.

"Four weeks. John, Dr. Wright knows all about what happened with Laney, she knows what to watch for. I'm not under the stress I was with her. You'll make sure. We'll be careful. Besides, we don't really have a choice, I'm already pregnant. The baby is coming."

"Laney?" John chuckled. He pulled back to look at her.

"Yeah, well….Liam called her that today after you left…I thought it was cute." She looked up at him amused, biting her lip.

"How…I mean…we were being _careful_." John said as he released her. Walking back across the room running a hand thru his hair.

"Well, not all the time", she said nervously. "You know, I was breastfeeding, and then my hormones where all messed up and Vivian didn't want me to go back on the pill right away and even with as….creative…as we were, there were times when we weren't as careful…and, you know…..condoms, when we remembered to use them, they….break. I don't know but, you're kind of making me feel like I did something wrong or that this baby is wrong-"

"No, God no, I'm sorry. I don't mean to make it sound that way or to make you feel like that. I'm just…shocked, I'm scared, that's all. I love you so much and I…..I can't do this without you. I almost lost you last time." Pulling her back into his arms. Hoping she would understand. Taking a deep breath, he smiled at her finally. "Another baby, huh…" he crinkled up his nose and squinted at her, "What are we going to do with three kids?" The reality of her news was sinking in. Him….married…with three kids. If someone had told him this was going to be his life even five years ago he would have never believed it but, here he was and surprisingly, he loved it.

"We're going to be outnumbered", she smiled. "I can't help it if you can't keep your hands off of me" she joked, then said seriously, "No drama, this time, no secrets, no stress, it'll be perfect." She said as she snuggled back into his arms. She felt him stiffen.

"What is it?" She asked. She could still feel that something was off.

"I need to tell you something…come on sit down", he grabbed her hand and lead her to the couch. Gripping her hand in one of his, he put his other arm along the back of the couch, sitting close to her. Staring into her beautiful blue eyes.

"It's about Evangeline." He looked almost sick, he lifted her hand and kissed the back.

"John what is it?" She couldn't imagine what he could be afraid to tell her. She could see he was nervous about something.

"She was found wondering around down by the docks. " He started his story knowing she would interrupt a million times before he got it out.

"What was she doing there? _How_ did she get there? "Natalie had a ton of questions.

"I don't really know, we're still investigating. She had nothing with her but, the clothes on her back Davis said. They had already brought her to the hospital before I got there. I've been told by the officer that brought her in that so far the doctors haven't found anything physically wrong with her." John paused, not really sure how to say the rest.

"Well, ok. Her family is on their way right? Maybe they will have some answers." she said positively.

"Natalie….She has amnesia-" he started but, she cut him off.

"Oh my gosh, that's terrible. Is it permanent? What are they doing to help her?"

"I don't know…Natalie, listen. She partial amnesia, she doesn't remember anything after ten years ago." He braced himself. There he said it.

"That's too bad…but, maybe it's a good thing she doesn't remember her and Christian, you know considering he dated Layla after her, that will be interesting for them to explain." She said. She smiled but, he couldn't find the humor in it.

"Natalie….she thinks it's ten years ago….." He said again, hoping she would get it.

"Yeah, and that's terrible, I mean ten years ago….." she stopped, he could tell by the look on her face she understood. She looked at him. "She thinks you're still together. She thinks that you're still…" she felt that feeling that she hadn't felt in a long time, a feeling she always associated with Evangeline. She couldn't put a label on it, dread, jealousy, neither of those were exactly right but, close. He squeezed her hand.

"She's asking for you." It wasn't a question. She knew it was true. It's the first thing she would do, too. And she knew he would go.

"Yeah", he said, "the doctors think it's best to not overwhelm her with details, he thinks she should be…eased back into the reality of now." John said, waiting for the explosion he knew was boiling. Rightfully so but, this wasn't anyone's fault.

"My husband has a girlfriend." she said flatly. Not really sure how to feel.

"Natalie-"

"You should go to her", she said quickly. She couldn't look at him. "She's probably scared and worried. She needs someone with her." She knew it was the right thing for him to do.

"Sweetheart, I don't want you to-" He was speaking gently to her. She always seemed a little more sensitive when she was pregnant.

"It's fine, John…I know you want to help…that's what you do, you help people. And she must feel so alone right now." Natalie said sadly, finally looking up at him. She couldn't imagine how Evangeline was feeling right now.

"You're pretty wonderful, you know that?" He told her as he kissed her forehead. They'd been working so hard on their relationship. Most of it was perfect, easy even but, they had always had trouble with the communication and trust. They had both made the vow to each other, after Alana was born to really listen and hear each other out and it had been working for a long time now. He felt a little guilty for expecting her to be angry about this.

"I'm the mother of your children…you have to say that." She said smirking at him. She snuggled up to him wrapping an arm around his waist.

"Nah, I'd think I'd like you anyway." He smiled down at her running a hand trough her hair and playing with the ends. "I love you", he said.

"I love you, too…you should probably go", she was disappointed, she had been hoping they would get a chance to celebrate before he was called away. They didn't get a chance to celebrate when she was expecting Alana.

"I will but, I have to properly thank my wife first", he said running a hand over her cheek. He was going to go but, he was going to show her how much he loved her first. That she came first.

"Really? Thank her for what?" She said quietly biting her lip. She felt a little giddy at the look on his face. He could still make her blush.

"Mm-hm, for giving me another child." He scooted a little closer to her on the couch.

"What did you have in mind", she knew exactly what was thinking. He was running his nose along her jaw and down her neck. He placed a kiss at the base of her neck.

"Well…how long we got?" He knew the kids would be home sometime soon. She hated to be away from them overnight.

Natalie looked at the clock on the mantle that stood under neither the large picture of the two of them on their wedding day, and wrinkled her nose at him. "Mmm…only about two hours now. If they're going to get to bed on time."

Bringing his lips to her ear, "Then, I get to make love to my wife for two hours", he whispered, as she kissed a trail down her neck.


	3. Chapter 3

John walked down the hall in the hospital. It was late. He'd gotten her room number from the desk down stairs. Trying to figure out how to play this, he tapped lightly on the door.

"Oh John…they got a hold of you finally. I am so ready to get out of here." Evangeline said. She was sitting in a bed with a hospital gown on. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. The fingerprinting the officers did on the scene with a potable field kit confirmed it was her but, seeing her sitting here was something all together different. He had mourned her. It was a miracle really, that she was sitting here. She was still as beautiful as she ever was. It was like no time had passed at all. He couldn't help but stare at her.

"Get out of here?" He asked in a rough voice, her apartment was long gone now. All of her possessions would be gone, clothes, personal items. Where was she going to go? "Have you heard from your mom?" He asked her cautiously. She shook her head and picked at the blanket.

"No, and I don't know if I ever told you but, I have a younger sister, and I can't get a hold her either. She lives in LA. Her phone doesn't seem to be working or something." He wanted to tell her the truth, her sister was living in Milan now, that's why she couldn't get a hold of her. But, he wasn't supposed to know Layla. He hoped he could keep this up until she remembered on her own. He was saved from the awkward silence by the doctor's arrival.

"Well Ms. Williamson, you seem to be fine. Other than some memory loss. I'm going to go ahead and get your paperwork together so we can get you out of here soon. Just make sure to get plenty of rest and I'm sure everything will come back to you soon. Excuse me." As the doctor turned to leave the room, John followed him out.

"Excuse me doctor but, you're releasing her?" John asked him unbelievingly.

"Yes, there's nothing physically wrong with her, there's no point in her staying." The doctor told him distractedly. Flipping through a file.

"Well how 'bout the fact that she has amnesia and has been supposedly dead for four years. She doesn't have a home or a place to stay. Where is she supposed to go?"

"Well, aren't you her boyfriend? Take her home." The doctor looked up at him irritably.

"We dated ten years ago but, I'm married now, I have two children and you're telling me we can't tell her the truth about what year it is and what things have changed since she's been missing….what are we supposed to do now?" He couldn't believe this. What the hell was he going to do?

"Look, I'm sorry. I can't help you with that. She's doesn't have any physical injuries, and while she does have amnesia that doesn't warrant a trip to the phsyc ward. Maybe get her in touch with a counselor or something. There's nothing I can do to keep her here. I'm convinced she will recover her memories eventually. But if you or her family start bombarding her with information and facts it could set back her recovery. Usually that includes some pretty intense migraines. I'm sure you don't want that. If you'll excuse me I have other patients to see." The doctor turned on his heel and walked away.

"Jerk…" he muttered. What to do now? She'll either want to go back to her place or his room at that damn hotel. John placed a quick call to the hotel hoping Roxy had his old room free.

"What ya need that room for Johnny? You and my Nattie fighting again? I thought things were goin good, you both promised you were done hurtin' each other…what's going on?" Roxy asked suspiciously.

"You're not going to believe it Roxy…"John started and explained as quickly as he could the situation with Evangeline and why he needed a place for her to sleep for the night. "But, I really need you to keep this to yourself for now. This is really important Roxy, I can count on you right?"

"Yeah, yeah you know me, I can keep a secret." John rolled his eyes, "Wow-wee…and Nattie's ok with you shaking up with an old ex huh?" He could just imagine her leaning up against the counter in the lobby of the hotel.

"I'm not shacking up with her. I just need a familiar place for her to sleep tonight. Hopefully her mother will be here in the morning and she can take care of her. I will be going home." Hoping her mother didn't take longer than over night to get here.

"Yeah, I got that room open. And I'll do ya one better, there's a box of clothes that were left behind when you moved out in the basement. Just t-shirts and sweats but, I could bring that up so she could shower and change I suppose." Sometimes Roxy surprised him with her thoughtfulness. He didn't even realize he left anything behind and he never would have thought Evangeline would want to change her clothes.

"That would be great Rox, thanks. I owe you." Cringing after realizing what he just said. She would definitely collect and God only knows how.

"Yeah, yeah…." she said as she hung up. John took a deep breath and walked back into Evangeline's room. She was just hanging up the phone.

"Hey", he said, "uhm…so was that your mom?" He asked hopefully and mentally crossing his fingers. He was nervous about what to say to her, especially since she thought they were still together. He didn't want to encourage her in any way or raise any suspicions that would lead to her asking a bunch of questions.

"Yes, she seemed a little weird…" she hesitated thoughtfully.

"Oh yeah?" he asked. He knew that an officer from the suburb of New York where her mother was living now had spoken to her in person about Evangeline being alive. He was sure that her mother was just doing the same thing he was. Trying to keep things neutral until she remembered on her own.

"Yes, it's was just…strange, anyways", she smiled at him, "she will be here in the morning, I told her there was no need to come. I'm fine and that I would probably just stay with you but, she insisted. Is that alright?"

"Uhm….yeah….I mean, you can stay at my….place. I have to work tonight but, I'll get an officer to stay outside the room just as a precaution." He hated lying to her but, there was no way he could or would stay with her all night tonight. Natalie would not be ok with that.

"Oh? You can't you get off? Are you sure?" she asked hopefully.

"Uhm, no….big case", he answered quickly.

"Ok, well I can just go home", she said picking at the blanket covering her.

"No, no you should stay at my…place", he insisted, the words felt wrong in his mouth.

She smiled coyly up at him, "thank you John, you always take such good care of me." She grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

"Yeah, sure no trouble. " The doctor had said it wasn't good for her to hear the truth all at once tonight but he wondered how much damage was being done to her by lying.

"Ok, well I just need to get dressed." She started to get out of bed.

"Oh yeah…ok", John turned to leave.

"Where are you going?" She laughed. He froze at the door.

"To give you some privacy", he said. He could not be in here when she changed. Another thing that would not go over with his wife…..at all.

"Since when, it's not like you haven't seen me naked before", she giggled. "You can help me get dressed." she said in a suggestive voice.

"Uh….I better go see what is taking so long with your paperwork instead", John said and hurried from the room. He pulled out his cell and called his wife.

"Hey baby, when are you coming home…this bed is lonely." She said in that raspy voice that never failed to get him hard. He groaned on the inside, there is no where he'd rather be than in that bed with Natalie.

"Hey sweetheart, I hope soon. Listen, they're releasing Evangeline tonight, and since her apartment is gone she doesn't have anywhere to go, I wanted you to know that I called Roxy and my old room is available. I'm going to bring her there and let her stay the night. Her mother should be here in the morning." He hoped she understood.

"You're not….you're not staying with her are you?" She took a deep breath, surely he wouldn't, there was no way…

"No, I told her I have to work all night. I'll be home after I drop her off, ok?" Thanking God she gave him a chance to explain.

"Ok, I'll try to stay up and wait for you. I love you." Natalie was relieved. Not really sure why she thought for one minute he would plan on staying there with Evangeline.

"I love you, too sweetheart." Hanging up John took a deep breath. While he did feel for her, this certainly put him in an awkward position. He wanted to help her but; he wasn't willing to upset his home life to do it. Time to get this over with.

After Evangeline was dressed and John collected her release papers, he helped her to his truck. She'd asked him when he got it and he just said last week, and that it must be one of the things she couldn't remember. He hated lying to her but he didn't really know what else to do. He didn't feel it was his place to tell her anything or make medical decisions for her. Luckily he didn't happen to have the car seat in the back today or he didn't know how he would have explained that. By the time he pulled into the parking lot it was late. He was hoping Roxy didn't wait up for them but, he should have known better.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey there Johnny, what's shakin'?" She stood at the desk, smirking like she had a secret she wanted you to know, and in this case he knew that she did, he just hoped she could keep her mouth shut. She came around the side of the desk and stood in front of them. "Wow, Evangeline, you're lookin' good, how you doin'?"

"I'm fine Roxy, thanks for asking", she said as she put her arm around John's waist forcing him to either put his arm around her or push her away. He chose to put his arm around her to avoid her suspicion and stood there uncomfortably.

"Hey Rox, goodnight Rox", John said steering Evangeline towards the stairs, never breaking his stride or making eye contact with Roxy.

"Seen Nattie lately?" She smirked at him. He wondered what the hell she was trying to prove.

"Goodnight Rox", he tried again, not answering her thankful when she let it drop.

"What was that all about?" She asked him, "is Natalie up to something I should know about?"

"Oh, no, I doubt it", he answered quickly.

Reaching the top of the stairs he walked over to the door and as he put the key in the lock he felt her hand on his back. She noticed he stiffened at her touch.

"Hey what's wrong?" She asked him.

"Nothing, just tired", he smiled a little trying to blow it off as he opened the door. While he could tell Roxy had been in here probably dropping off towels and the clothes she said she'd found but, it was very clearly empty of personal items and smelled like it had been locked up for a while.

"What's going on in here? Where's all your stuff?" She asked as she looked around.

"Oh…uhm…well, I've been cleaning stuff out. Getting rid of things, you know….." he sputtered. She wasn't stupid; he didn't know how he was going to pull this off.

"Oh….well, I am so glad to see that slot machine gone. That was a huge eyesore in here." He just nodded at the obvious slam at Natalie. Little did she know that slot machine was displayed proudly in the family room, in the basement of the home he owned with the woman that gave it to him. John crossed the room to the bathroom and flipped on the light, relieved to see that Roxy has indeed been in here and stocked everything they could need.

"Right, well if you want to take a shower and change there are some clothes in the dresser", he said and he opened a drawer to see some shirts and sweats stuffed inside. "Listen, uh…is there anything you can tell me about why you were down at the docks tonight or how you got there?"

Cocking her head to the side, she said, "I already told the officer that drove me to the hospital, I have no idea. I can't remember what I was doing before or anything. It's like I just woke up and I was there. It's so frustrating." She went over and sat on the couch.

"What's the last thing you remember?" He asked her dropping on the chair next to the couch. She closed her eyes trying hard to remember.

"Well, that's just it. Nothing specific actually. Being at work, being with you, dinners, fighting with Natalie, visiting with Nora….just general memories. I'm not even sure what happened when." She looked lost in thought. Putting a hand to her forehead, she sighed, "I just don't know."

"Well, try to get some rest and maybe things will be clearer in the morning. There's going to be an Officer Rice just outside the door, if you need anything let him know. I'll be back in the morning. Ok?" When he stood up to leave she followed him to the door.

"Thank you for letting me stay here." She said.

"No problem", he said turning to face her. Before he could dodge her she threw her arms around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. He put his hands on her fore arms and pulled her away from him quickly before she could go any farther. She looked up at him confused.

"Ok, what's wrong?" She looked hurt, she didn't understand why he would push her away.

"Nothing, I just think…you should take it easy. You know you just got out of the hospital." He said quickly. Moving to the door, "I'll see you tomorrow." He said and he left. Running a hand over his face and back through his hair. 'Shit', he thought this is exactly what he didn't need right now. Getting to explain again, why he was kissing another woman. Actually, she kissed him and he didn't kiss her back but, he wasn't so sure Natalie would see it that way. John stood there for a few more minutes until Rice showed up, then he went home to have an uncomfortable conversation with his wife.

It was after eleven when he pulled up to their house. He could see through the window that all the lights were off except for the light near the stairs Natalie always left on when he was working late. He knew before he stepped into the house that there would be a small lamp on at the top of the stairs too. That one stayed on so they could see if they needed to get to one of the kids in the middle of the night.

John got out of the truck and when in. He was pissed at himself for putting himself in this position. Having let Evangeline get to close and allowing her to kiss him. He knew it wasn't her fault she couldn't remember but, that might not matter to Natalie. Reaching the top of the stairs he passed by the master bedroom and walked softly into Liam's room. Blue walls, a little race car bed. John hated that bed but, Liam loved it. His toys, at three, were a mix of 'baby-ish' toys and big boy toys. Looking down at this boy he was so in love with. His son was all boy, rough and tumble. Liam loved sitting with him to watch sports on television, the Eagles, the Sixers, the Phillies, it didn't matter. They watched it together. John loved it. It surprised him how much he was drawn to his kids.

He wandered down to the next doorway. Alana's room. Natalie didn't want girly pink in there. She went with a very light purple and a very light green. Natalie had said they were called some fancy names he couldn't remember but purple and green were what they looked like to him. Baby dolls and stuffed animals all over the floor. Some puzzles and books, too. He looked at his little girl. Seeing her now you would never know the rough start she had in life. Being premature, she spent the first three months of her life in the hospital. Then they spent the next three months living in England before it was absolutely safe for her to fly back. While she was at the smaller end of the scale she wasn't having any many learning delays that they had noticed. Natalie worked hard to make sure she caught up to where she should be. Alana looked just like Natalie and she had her daddy wrapped around her little finger.

He walked back down the hall to their bedroom, shutting the door so it was just cracked. This room was the whole reason he loved this house. John could just make out her sleeping form in the bed. He went into the bathroom and closed the door, after brushing his teeth and splashing water on face, he stripped down to his boxer briefs and tank. He started back into the bedroom quietly but, from the small amount of light coming in from the hall he could see she was sitting up in bed.


	5. Chapter 5

"I thought you were asleep, did I wake you?" he asked softly. She was so beautiful.

"No, I wasn't asleep, I was waiting for you", she whispered. "How did it go?"

"It was….weird. She has no idea any time has passed. In her head its 2004", he said. Climbing into bed and laying on his side facing her.

"What happened?" She slipped down and mirrored his position. He told her all about the hospital, getting her to the hotel, including the ambush by Roxy and getting her settled.

"She was happy the slot machine was gone", he chuckled.

"Yeah well, it was never really her style, she probably wouldn't approve of the pool table in the basement either", she smirked.

"Natalie….when I was leaving…she kissed me. I pulled away right away. I didn't kiss her back." he held his breath. This was a different situation than what had happened before. He was an active participant back then with Samantha Morgan in Port Charles but, not tonight. Tonight he didn't want to kiss Evangeline. She closed her eyes. She knew in her rational mind that it wasn't his fault. Hell it wasn't Evangeline's fault really either. But she also couldn't help how she felt. She felt betrayed, jealous, mad…again. They just went through this two years ago. Taking a deep breath and blowing it out in a huff.

"It would be really great if you would stop kissing other women", she said in a voice stronger than she felt. She turned to get out of bed. There it was, the anger he'd been waiting for.

"Hey", he grabbed her wrist, "don't walk away right now." He said sitting up. "We need to talk about this. She didn't know what she was doing and it happened so fast I wasn't prepared for it. Come on sweetheart. I didn't do this on purpose" He needed her to understand. She looked at him, his eyes begging her to understand.

"I know John but, it doesn't make it hurt any less." She was crying a little now. "I'm sorry, I know it wasn't your fault but, it still hurts." She had never felt threatened by Blair or Marty after she and John broke up but, Evangeline was a different story. She always felt like she was less around her. Evangeline had made it clear once that she was better than Natalie, in fact many of the nasty things Evangeline had said to her had always gotten to her.

_What exactly are you accusing me of?_

_You are a card carrying victim Natalie, you know the man has a hero complex so you use your life tragedies to guilt him into some sort of a sick loyalty to you, just the way that you did with the Buchanans. Isn't that how you worked your way into that family? By making them feel sorry for you?_

_'Ubiquitous', wow that some vocabulary you got there._

_Sorry. Was it over your head?_

_That was why you said it. To make me feel inferior._

_I don't need big words for that. Your inferiority has nothing to do with me._

"I know Natalie but, I love you. We made love this evening, and it was perfect. You're perfect. Please don't read anything into this. You and me, remember?" Shit, how did they get here again? It was his fault. He left like he needed to help Evangeline when in reality, except for the case her reappearance caused, Evangeline wasn't his responsibility.

Natalie pulled gently out of his hold and walked over to the window. She was silent for a moment, then finally she nodded, "ok, you're right but John, this can't go on. She has to be told. Has anyone thought about how mad she is going to be when the truth comes out?"

"You're right, her mother is supposed to be here tomorrow, I'll get in touch with her and tell her I can't help them." Again his family came first, he was going to fight hard to not let anything jeopardize it again.

"That's not fair-" She started clearly torn by what she wanted him to do and what he wanted to do.

"No, what's not fair is putting you through this for no reason. Evangeline was a big part of my life back then but, she hasn't been in a long time. Even before her accident, we weren't that close. I feel for her but, you and the kids are my life and I'm not going to do anything to jeopardize that." He got out of bed and walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her. He was making the right decision, he could feel it.

"You're a good man", she whispered as she looked into his eyes. She slowly ran her hands up his chest and around his neck.

He pulled her to him and took his time kissing her but, as usual it didn't stay that way. Burying a hand in her hair and cupping the back of her head, he pulled her closer. Pulling away slightly he looked at her. They were both breathing hard. He rested his forehead against hers. "Go get back in bed Natalie and take this off", he said indicating her nightgown. Never taking her eyes from his, Natalie took a step back from him and grabbing the hem of her night gown, she pulled it over her head and dropped it to the floor. Walking slowing back to the bed she climbed up and reclined back against the pillows.

John walked to the end of the bed and pulled his tank over his head and crawled up the bed kissing her body on the way up. Her feet, her calves, her thighs. Natalie watched him make his way up her body until he reached her panties. She pressed her head into the pillow, closed her eyes and sighed. He slid her panties down and stopped, waiting for her to open her eyes. When she did he threw them over his shoulder. She laughed at him.

"What are you doing?" she smiled and laughed at him.

"I've asked you before not to wear those", he said seriously even though she knew he was kidding.

"Well, I can't go around without undwear on John, what do you want me to do?" she raised an eyebrow at him as he finished kissing and crawling his way up her body. He stopped to linger on her breasts, drawing a moan from her. At that he continued to her neck and the spot he knew drove her crazy behind her ear, across her jaw to her lips.

"I love you", he whispered as he entered her slowly.

"I love you, too", she whispered back.

The next morning when John got to the hotel room, he could hear the yelling from the top of the stairs. Evangeline's mother was in there with her. He could hear her shrill voice going on and on about how he could leave her alone all night. He felt kinda bad hearing Evangeline defending him. Dismissing Officer Rice, John took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Well there you are! How could you leave my baby in this hell whole all alone last night? What is wrong with you?" She attacked him the second the door was open.

"Mom, I told you. John had to work." Evangeline said, she looked nervous for some reason.

"Mrs. Williamson, how are you?" He knew this woman never liked him but, that was no reason him to be rude.

"Really, I find that interesting being as which you called down to the station and were told he wasn't working. Would it have killed you to stay here last night with my baby?" That explains the look on Evangeline's face.

"Are you ok, did you remember anything?" he directed his questions to Evangeline.

"No, I was fine, I…..just wanted to talk to you", she looked so lost, she wrapped her arms around herself. She was dressed in her own clothes again but, it looked like she had changed at one point as there were some clothes folded at the end of the messed up bed.

"Mrs. Williamson, can we speak out side." Not waiting for a reply John walked out to the hall. He shut the door when she joined him.

"I understand this is a shock and you're upset but, I have a wife and family at home, what exactly did you expect me to do? The doctor said she couldn't handle the truth right now and I am truly sorry for what she is going through but, I don't think I'm going to be able to help you with this. It's not fair to Natalie." He tried to explain even though he was pretty sure anything he had to say wouldn't be good enough for her.

"Natalie? You married Natalie Buchanan?" She scoffed. Her distaste clearly written all over her face.

"Yes ma'am and we have two children and one on the way. So you can see that I'm needed at home, they come first." Not really caring at this point if she understood or not.

"Well, Natalie always did come first with you didn't she. My daughter is confused and lost and no one knows why and she can't remember anything for the last ten years. After how you treated her, you owe it to her to help her." She told him in her aggravatingly shrill voice. Wagging her finger in his face.

"No ma'am, I don't. We worked out our problems years ago, she and I. I will work this case and try my best to help her figure out where she's been but, I owe it to Natalie to NOT help you with the personal side of this. I'm sorry. If she remembers anything, have her come down to the station. She doesn't have to talk to me but, we'll need to know what she remembers as soon as possible" John turned at walked away. He hated that he couldn't help Evangeline. What's happened to her wasn't her fault but, he couldn't be there for her anymore. His family was his priority.


	6. Chapter 6

After working Evangeline's case for a month, there were still no leads. It was like she appeared out of thin air. No one heard or saw anything and as far as he knew she hadn't remembered anything significant enough to be reported to them. Natalie was around nine weeks. So far everything was normal. She had a check up today and he was to meet her at the hospital. He had just gotten off the elevator when he ran into Evangeline.

"Hi John, it's nice to see you", she said rather stiffly. Not really knowing how to react to him.

"Hey, how are you doing?" he asked her, genuinely interested.

"Well, logically I understand that it's ten years later than I remember. It's 2014 they tell me but, I'm still finding it hard to believe. I can't seem to wrap my mind around it." She seemed a little distressed, fidgeting where she stood.

"I'm sure it's very confusing. Have you remembered anything about the night you were found or where you could have been for the last few years?" He was hoping she would remember anything because as of right now, he had nothing to go on.

"No. Nothing at all. That's why this is so frustrating. The last thing I remember we were together and now I'm being told where not. I mean, I understand why you don't want to be around me, I understand that you've moved on but, I'm feeling a little abandoned here. In my head yesterday we were together and happy and today we're not and you have a totally different life now that doesn't include me." She looked up at him with these sad eyes. Not really knowing what she wanted from him, he had wanted to keep the conversation neutral.

"I'm really sorry that you feel that way. It's not that I don't want to be around you. I really wish I….I could help you. It's just…I felt it was for the best, for you to work through this with your family. Less confusing, you know." He ran a hand through his hair.

"Sure. So….no one's told me what it is that you are doing these days." She smiled up at him.

"No one's told…oh well…" he cleared his throat, surprised that her mother hadn't told her the second he left her in the hall at the Angel Square Hotel that day.

"John, I have amnesia, I'm not stupid. I know you were not living at the hotel anymore. That room didn't even looked lived in….and…I can see you're wearing a wedding band. I didn't notice it the other day but, I can clearly see it now." He couldn't read her expression as she looked down at his ring.

John smiled as he looked down at his hand, "Yeah, little over a year now."

"Really? Anyone I know?" She said smiling sadly.

"Actually-"

"Evangeline!" Her mother screeched.

"Over here mother", she rolled her eyes, "she hasn't let me out of her sight in a month, she's driving me crazy." She said to him conspiratorially. He chuckled as Mrs. Williamson came around the corner seeing John and Evangeline together.

"What's going on here?" she asked in a haunting voice.

"We just ran into each other mother, we were saying hello." Evangeline said diplomatically, she didn't seem to be holding anything against him. Then again except for his feelings for Natalie, she never did hold anything against him.

"Well, come along or you will be late for your appointment", her mother said as she glared at John.

"I've been seeing a counselor to try and help with my memory", she explained unnecessarily as she hit the button for the elevator.

"That's great, please let me know if you remember anything."

"I will. Good bye John", she said as she and her mother got on the elevator. He watched as the doors closed on them. He heard the doors on the elevator behind him ding, he turned around and the doors opened to the beautiful face of his wife.

"Hey, there beautiful…you going my way", he smiled at her. She giggled.

"I believe that I am handsome", she ran a hand up his chest until she got to his neck when it snaked around and pulled his lips down to hers. She kissed him sweetly and slipped her hand in his and pulled him down the hall.

So far Natalie and the baby were healthy. Her blood pressure was within normal range and Dr. Wright had told them that every pregnancy was different and just because she had problems last time didn't mean there would be any this time. John wasn't taking any chances though and vowed to keep her stress level down. He asked her to work less hours but, she refused. The only reason she wasn't lead forensic tech at the LPD now was because she chose to work part time. She was amazing at what she did. She graduated at the top of her class and could work circles around the other techs. It was a rare day that they were both at the station at the same time.

A few weeks had passed since John had run into Evangeline at the hospital. He had heard that she was making progress with her memory on a personal level. Things from the past were slowly coming back but so far still nothing about where she had been for the last four years after she had supposedly died. John and Natalie just returned from lunch, Natalie to the lab and John to his office. He'd just sat down at his desk when there was a knock on the door.

"Yeah", he hollered out. He was surprised to see Evangeline poke her head inside around the door.

"Got a minute?" She asked with a strange look on her face.

"Hey, yeah come on in", he said. He stood as she entered and motioned to the chair across from his desk. She looked like the same old Evangeline, perfect hair and make-up. A pressed, tailored suit.

"I just wanted to touch base with you about the investigation. I'm remembering more just nothing that would help you", she said as she looked around the room.

"Yeah, I heard something about that", he nodded, "how are you feeling?"

"Ok I guess….I….remembered that….I've remembered the Killing Club murders, Hayes Barber and the kidnapping." She seemed unsettled by the thought of it.

"You do?" she nodded back at him, and he asked nervously, "How much do you remember?"

"You mean do I remember being tied to a pole and almost burned alive…I remember all of that. I also remember you choosing to save Natalie first. It's taken me about a week to come to terms with that. After I realized I broke up with you before that happened but…." She said sadly. She shook her head as if trying to get rid of the thought.

"I'm sorry-" He wasn't sure what to say.

"I'm not asking you to be. I understand it was a long time ago for you", she took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a second, "it's just so fresh for me right now."

"What else have you remembered?" He asked. Almost afraid of her answer.

"I remember our break up and finding you in Natalie's arms just a few hours later. She was always around wasn't she? Sticking her nose in everywhere. Is she still in town? I hope she isn't interfering in your life anymore. I mean, I can't imagine that you two even still friends?" She said wrinkling her nose like she got a whiff of something unpleasant. Her tone was starting to rub him the wrong way.

"Actually we-" he was interrupted by a knock on the door, Natalie walked in without waiting for permission, with her face down looking over a report.

"Hey John, I have this analysis you asked for- Evangeline…hi, how are you?" Natalie handed the report to John who had stood up and came halfway around his desk. Natalie hadn't taken her eyes off Evangeline.

"I'm good thank you", she said stiffly as she stood up. "I didn't realize you would still work here."

"Oh yeah well, I'm a forensic tech now so, I actually get to help put the bad guys away", she chuckled awkwardly.

"Oh you mean you actually get to be a part of the investigations instead of insinuating you're self into them and drawing attention to yourself." Evangeline crossed her arms over her chest, tilting her head to the side.

Natalie's eyes widened in shock, she turned to John, "Wow, déjà vu", she said softly but loud enough for Evangeline to hear.

"Evangeline has been remembering more recently, she remembered Barber and the kidnapping last week", John said hoping Natalie would understand and not be drawn into an argument with the woman.

"Oh gosh Hayes Barber, I haven't thought about him in a long time. I'm so glad he's dead." Natalie said distractedly blurted out without thinking, as a shiver ran down her spine.

"He's dead?" Evangeline asked John.

"Yeah, uhm…..not long after he was captured, he…..died in prison." John said, leaving out the how's and the why's of that. Leaving her to remember that on her own.

Evangeline's eyes were drawn back to Natalie. "I certainly hope the years have been good to you Natalie, maybe help you mature a little."

Natalie's eyes narrowed, "What exactly is that supposed to mean Evangeline?"

"Déjà vu is right", John mumbled under his breath, throwing the report that Natalie brought him down on his desk and rubbing a hand over his face.

"I just can't imagine that John puts up with you anymore or his wife stands for it for that matter ", Evangeline said with a fake pleasantness. Natalie whipped her head around to look at John, and John didn't think it was possible for Natalie's eyebrow to rise any higher in surprise. John turned back to Evangeline.

"Actually Natalie _is_ my wife", John said quickly, as he put his arm around Natalie, more to hold her still than to be possessive. Natalie turned back to Evangeline and smiled smugly. She couldn't help it, this woman had always pushed her buttons.

Evangeline looked back and forth between them, then smiled snidely. "Well, of course she is!" She let out a humorless laugh, "I'm surprised that it shocked me for a moment. There was no way she was going to let you go."

Natalie was ready to pounce, and John could feel it in her so he held her waist tighter hoping she wouldn't.

"We've been married a little over a year", John said forcing a neutral tone, hoping he could keep things friendly.

"Well, I guess the fact that John can't say 'I love you' to anyone, didn't come between you and you finally got what you wanted then huh Natalie?"

Natalie glared at her then adopted an overly innocent voice. "John tells me he loves me all the time…along with our _two_ children. Liam, who'll be four in January and Alana, who'll be two in November," Natalie rubbed her belly exaggeratedly, "Oh and of course, one on the way due in April." Natalie said in an overly sweet way.

"This is unbelievable", Evangeline said laughing with clearly no humor. She put a hand to her forehead, "I can't even picture this."

Natalie reached over and snatched a picture off John's desk and shoved it into Evangeline's face, "Does this help?" She asked her in that same overly sweet voice she'd used before, and over exaggerated innocent look on her face.

Evangeline looked at the picture that was clearly taken on the fourth of July, by the children's outfits. They were sitting on a blanket in the grass, John and Natalie sitting so close together -smiling, his arm around her. A dark haired boy cuddled up to Natalie's side laughing at who ever had taken the photo and a strawberry blonde little girl sitting in John's lap, smiling up at him like he hung the moon.

"Nice picture", she glared up at John. She grabbed her purse and stomped out the door, slamming in as she went.


	7. Chapter 7

"Oh my God, that woman!" Natalie was seething with anger, stepping away from John and pacing between where he was standing and the door.

"Why did you do that?" John said, as he turned to sit back down at his desk.

"What?! Did you NOT hear what she said to me?" Natalie said cautiously, waiting to see where he was going with this.

"I just don't think you had to rub it in her face, she's having a rough time", he said flipping through his mail.

"So that gives her an excuse to be like that to me? You know what I find interesting is in all the meetings you've had with her, the fact that you were married to me never once came up." Natalie crossed her arms across her chest. He knew that stance. She was on the defense.

"I haven't run into her all that much in the last month, twice since that first day including today and during those few times my focus has been on anything she'd remembered about her disappearance. Don't blow this out of proportion, Natalie." He turned back to the report she'd brought into him.

"Unbelievable", she said quietly.

"What?" He was getting irritated.

"You always did take her side over me, and for as much that has changed in the last ten years, it's good to see that wasn't one of them." She turned to leave, not hearing him moving behind her. As she reached the door and started to swing it open, his hand landed on it slamming it shut. She stood still, not moving, facing the door, her hand on the knob, breathing heavily. He left his hand on the door, level with her head and leaned down putting his mouth next to her ear.

"Don't do this, I'm on your side", he said quietly to her.

"Doesn't feel like it", she said back just as softly. Neither of them moved for several seconds. Finally he gently took her arm and turned her around. She wasn't looking at him so he cupped her cheek and tilted her face up. He hated to look he saw in her glassy eyes.

"Sweetheart, while all of this happened ten years ago for us, for her this all happened last week. We have to try to understand her feelings. That's all I meant. She shouldn't have said the things she did but, think back to that time….that was pretty much how she reacted then…..wasn't it?" He hated that he had hurt her feelings.

"Do you think….do you think that…." Natalie started, not quite sure how to ask what she wanted to. Her eye slid away from his.

"What? Ask me anything", he said softly. Trying to pull her eyes back up to his.

"Did you settle for me because she wasn't here? Would you have gone back to her after we broke up, after your accident if….." Natalie took a deep breath, willing herself not to tear up.

"Where is this coming from?" He furrowed his eyebrows and stared hard at her.

"I don't know….she's always made me feel so…..inferior to her. I just can't help but wonder if you'd have liked another chance with her." She had to know.

"Oh God Natalie", he whispered resting his forehead against hers, "I never wanted another chance with her. She was a good friend but, once it was over between her and I, it was over. Why are you doubting me now? Do you have any idea how much I love you?"

"I'm sorry," she shook her head and took a deep breath, "I know you love me, she's always just brought out the crazy in me. I don't know why." Natalie hated that that woman could make her feel this way. John brought his lips to her cheek then made his way down her neck.

"Do you know how long it's been since we've made love in here?" He asked her pressing her back up against the door. Sliding his hands down her body and around to her ass, he pressing their bodies together.

"I do…..I believe we were over there behind your desk", she said as she arched her back and leaned her head against the door to give him better access to her neck.

"Yup", he pulled away to look over his shoulder at his desk, "you were bent over that desk if I recall correctly", he whispered with his face close to hers. He pulled back slightly and smirked at her.

"I'm not sure the boss would be ok with this happening again", she smirked back at him as she fingered the buttons on his shirt with one hand as she brought her other hand up and buried her fingers in his hair.

"I'm pretty sure the boss would be ok with it", he reached behind her and locked the door, then stretched across and closed the blinds. Releasing her he said in a low voice, "Take off your blouse", he looked down her body, "and your panties but, leave your bra and skirt on." He whispered.

He walked slowly across the room and locked the other door, when he turned around he was glad to see she had done as she was told. Without breaking eye contact with her he took off his jacket and started to unbutton his shirt. He walked over to the couch and sat down. Sometimes he could be so dominate in the bedroom, and she loved it. He wasn't like that the first time they were together.

Back then everything was still so new. While he was passionate and bold it was almost as if they were trying to be careful of one another, it was more reverent. She guessed maybe deep down, he had known that eventually the truth about Christian would come out and he wanted to savor their moments together. It was after they returned from Bangkok, that he was a little more forceful with her, they were moments of slow, soul burning love but, they got wilder with each other, rougher sometimes. Of course that ended after his accident when he was still recovering. They had to be careful not to hurt him.

It was after they got married that every once in a while, he started telling her what he was going to do to her or what he wanted from her and being just a little rougher. She found loved it. And once she told him that, he did it a lot more. Of course there were times that he didn't and she loved that too. She loved him.

"Come here", he said in that husky voice she loved so much. She walked over him and he helped her by sliding her skirt up as he pulled her down to straddle his lap. She reached down and slowly unbuckled his belt, then his jeans. He lifted himself up a little to help her pull them down just enough so she could stroke him firmly but, gently.

"I want to be inside you", he said sternly, "now." He grabbed the back of her head, with his hand fisted in her hair and crushed her lips to his. Roughly invading her mouth, as she slid down on to him quickly. He set the pace with his hands on her hips and soon she was pressing her face to his neck to muffle the sound as she came. A second later he was doing the same.

Natalie groaned. "I need to get back to work", she whispered with her face still buried in his neck. "Or the boss won't let me go home on time tonight and then the boss would have to pick up his own kids." She giggled.

"I pick them up….sometimes", he smiled up at her, rubbing her back.

"You do. You are an amazing father", she said leaning down to kiss him as he helped her stand up and collect their clothing.

"Well they're pretty amazing kids. And that's all because of you." He smiled to himself.

"Mmm…you don't have to butter me up, I think I just proved I'm a sure thing you know", she smiled at him as she finished dressing then she ran her hands around his waist.

"Yeah, that's what I like best about you", he smirked. They both laughed. She moved to unlock the door and open it.

"And….I'm sorry about earlier, I shouldn't have let her get to me", she was truly sorry she let Evangeline get to her.

"I know, I understand", he smiled at her, tucking her hair behind her ear, "we're a team, remember? You and me."

"Don't forget we have dinner at your brother's house tonight", she smiled as she said, "I love you", she said.

Michael and Marcie had moved back to Llanview a year and a half ago, right before John and Natalie got married. The chief of staff position had opened up at the hospital and Michael had applied for it. They were tired of being so far away from family. Michael and Marcie had bought a house in the same neighborhood that John and Natalie lived in. The next block down and across the street. Close but, not too close. They had two boys now Gabe and Dillon.

"Uh, damn that's right….I love you, too. Always", he said and kissed her forehead.

"See you", she said quietly as she left to head back to the lab.


	8. Chapter 8

Evangeline came by the office every so often when she would remember something and needed either confirmation from him that it happened or an explanation for whatever he had done. John was locking up the house one night a few weeks after Evangeline and Natalie's confrontation, when his cell rang. It was a number he didn't recognize. That wasn't uncommon for him to receive calls from unknown numbers in his line of work but, it wasn't usually a good thing. This time it turned out to be Evangeline.

"I need to see you", she said. He groaned inwardly, he wasn't up for this right now.

"It's kind of late….." he told her as he punched in the security code on the alarm by the front door.

"Tomorrow then, please its important", she told him.

"Did you remember anything?" He was hoping for a lead finally.

"No, nothing about where I've been but, I just need to talk to you about a few things", she said.

"Ok, I'll call you in the morning when I get to the office", he told her.

John got to the office the next day and called Evangeline, leaving her a message that he would be in all morning and she could come at her convenience. Several hours later, as he worked through the stack on his desk he heard a knock on the door.

"Yeah", he hollered out. Not surprised to see Evangeline enter.

"John, I need to talk to you", she said stiffly. He motioned to the chair across from him and she sat down.

"What can I do for you?" he asked her.

"I've been...remembering more and more. I feel like a fool. YOU made a fool out of me and I want you to know that I know it", she said angrily.

"I don't understand", John said confused. Trying to remember which time he'd hurt her she could be talking about.

"I know all about you only staying with me because Christian Vega is alive and I think that was despicable and disgusting", she said with venom in her voice.

"It wasn't exactly like that-" he started he leaned forward over his desk.

"It WAS exactly like that-" She interrupted, pointing a finger at him like she was scolding a child.

"No! I cared about you. I did. I thought I was doing what was best for everyone", he explained.

"Sure you did, you wanted his wife and you got her", she told him as she glared at him.

"And I lost her", he said flatly leaning back in his chair.

"Then you got her back and three kids as well", she said icily.

"What is it I can do for you Evangeline? What do you want me to say? I'm sorry, I am truly sorry that I hurt you. And I know that all of this is just coming back to you now. But, you forgave me and we stayed pretty good friends after so, all I can hope is that as your memories return, you'll remember that." He said to her.

"You never loved me, it was always her", she said sounding like a whiney child. He remembered the argument in is room when she'd first said that to him.

_"Well if you did talk to Chris, you realize I kept quiet because it was his decision."_

_"He was completely alone what other decision was he going to make. No…no you used me to get Christian locked away in a maximum security prison so that you could have his wife all to yourself."_

_"I needed to find out the truth, you offered to help."_

_"And you lied right to my face when you found out the results. And your little act got you everything you ever wanted Christian Vega's wife…"_

_"All these months you knew that Christian was alive….you were with me but, you really wanted to be with her and that's why you never said anything."_

_"…..you don't know me at all. I never planned a thing in my life. The truth is, I didn't know how I felt about her until now."_

"Honestly, yes...it's always been her, from the moment I saw her. I didn't realize it for a long, long time. I thought I was happy with you, too. I did but…..I never thought I deserved her, I ruined her life, several times over actually but, I couldn't turn her away. I couldn't cut her out of my life for you. I didn't want to. I wanted her in my life, I needed her there and when you both were kidnapped...it was like, I couldn't breathe without her. And all these years later, we have a family. We had to go through so much crap to get here, you have no idea but, here I am and I am exactly where I want to be. I won't apologize for that", he stopped to take a breath, "I never meant to hurt you, I cared for you...so much but, I don't think I could have ever have loved you the way I love her."

"I won't take up anymore of your time", she said getting up, she was so angry.

"Listen, I'm still your friend. If you need anything, I'm here for you. Please don't let this ruin our friendship." He said as he stood up.

"I don't know how...how did I forgive you before?" She hesitated, looking at him with tears in his eyes.

He smiled at her, "not sure really. Maybe we could start with lunch? How about Rodi's?"

"I haven't been to any of the places in Angel Square yet. They're not really my mother's types of places. Gosh, is that place still open?" she raised her eyebrows, and smiled.

"Is it still open? I own it now", he declared, pretending to be offended.

She smiled back, "Really? I think I'd like to hear how that happened."

"You got it, come on, it's on me", he said as he led her out the door.

As the next few months pasted by they didn't find anything to explain Evangeline's reappearance nor did she remember anything that could lead them to where she had been or what she had been doing. Natalie hadn't seen Evangeline again since that day in John's office. She was busy with Alana's birthday in November, then Thanksgiving, now at the beginning of December she was throwing herself into Christmas. Natalie always wanted to make the holidays special for the kids while they were little. She didn't have any fond memories of Christmas from when she growing up. She wanted her kids to only have good memories. Between getting ready for Christmas, working part time at the police station and pitching in at Rodi's occasionally was starting to wear her down a little bit.


	9. Chapter 9

John was insisting she quit something either take a leave of absence from the LPD or stop helping out at Rodi's. Natalie insisted that she was fine and continued on secretly taking naps during the day while the kids went down. More than once in the last few weeks, she woke to find her husband lying behind her, holding her. It was nice….until he woke up and lectured her about doing too much and getting enough rest. She just smiled and kissed his cheek and finished out her day. He loved her, she knew it and she wasn't about to get mad at him for it. She also knew that he wouldn't make her do anything she didn't want to. They've come too far to let this come between them. So far she was healthy and the baby was healthy and was all that mattered.

"Natalie…." he said coming in through the door.

"I'm here", he heard coming from the kitchen. He walked through the dining room to reach the kitchen, there he found his family. Liam was coloring and both kids were having a snack.

"You remembered you're Michael and Marcie are coming for dinner, right?" Natalie asked as she walked back through from the pantry to the stove. They tried to get together as often as possible. Natalie and Marcie wanted the kids to be close.

"Yeah unfortunately", he smirked at her, walking over and placing his hand on her belly, at five months she wasn't very big yet.

"We're having skedi", while Liam spoke extremely well for being not quite four yet, there were just some words he had trouble with.

"Spaghetti", John repeated, "Wow, mommy makes the best spaghetti." He smoothed a hand over his son's hair and leaned over and kissed his daughters hair as she offered him an animal cracker, "thank you darling." He whispered to her.

"Did you finish looking at that ballistics report I brought you?" She asked as she dropped the noodles in the pot. They tried not to talk about work in front of the kids but, Natalie sometimes couldn't help it. She loved being a mom but, she loved her job too, she found it fascinating. He looked at her debating on what to say.

"Nothing other than what we talked about", he said looking at her pointedly, a finality to his tone that was making it clear he didn't want to talk about it.

"Okay", thankfully, she let it go, "set the table then please." She handed him a stack of plates and smiled. He slapped her ass as he passed her to the dining room.

After dinner, as the kids played in the living room, the adults sat at the dining room table. Close enough to see them but, not close enough for the kids to hear their conversation.

"I'm serious, you should have seen the look on his face, hilarious", Mike said as he finished his story. It was pretty funny and they all laughed, just then John's cell rang.

"McBain", he said. Natalie ran a hand over his arm as she stood up and started collecting dirty dishes. John looked up at her in surprise. "Ok, I'm on my way", he hung up quickly.

"And that was dinner folks", Natalie teased. "Alright, be careful", she said looking at him meaningfully. Turning to bring what she had collected to the sink. No matter how long they were together she didn't think she would ever get used to that feeling she got whenever his phone rang. She would do anything to keep him safe.

"Hey Mike, you got just a sec?" John asked as he stood up. "Yeah", Michael followed him out of the room as Natalie and Marcie cleaned up from dinner. John led Mike over to the stairs.

"I'm going to need to take Natalie with me on this call, is there any way you guys can either stay here or take the kids back to your house for a while. I don't know how long we'll be." John asked his brother.

"Sure John...what's going on?"

"I have to tell her first but, you won't believe it." He sighed. He didn't know how he was going to tell her. Why was this happening to them all of the sudden. Why is he having to give her news like this again? And how could this happen. First Evangeline and now-

"Ok, yeah we'll take them back to our house" Mike said interrupting his thoughts.

"Thanks", John said slapping his brother on the back and heading back into the dining room. The ladies where almost done cleaning up, laughing and joking around. Who would have thought after everything, these two would be friends.

"Hey, leave the rest of that for now, I'll help you with it later. I need you to come with me" he said walking up to Natalie.

"Oh...can't you call Stevens or someone, I need to get the kids cleaned up and-"

"No, I need you. Come on, Michael and Marcie are going to take the kids" he told her firmly.

"We are?" Marcie asked coming up from behind her.

"Yeah, we shouldn't be too long" he said looking over Natalie's shoulder. Hoping Marcie would be ok with it, he really needed Natalie with him on this one.

"I said it was fine" Michael said coming into the room, "isn't it?" He asked looking at his wife.

"Oh yeah, it's no problem at all", Marcie replied, "it'll be fun to have a little girl around for a little bit, not that I don't love my boys" Marcie gasped, "oh they can see the tree and we can make some hot chocolate….." As Marcie started to ramble, John guided Natalie out of the room and towards the front door grabbing their coats on the way.

Climbing into John's truck Natalie asked, "John, what's going on?"

"Natalie, I don't know any more than I'm about to tell you ok. But, I felt you had a right to come with me to check this out." John couldn't process the feelings running through him right now. How was she going to take it? What was she going to do? Could this even be true?

"John-"

"Security found a man wondering around down by the docks tonight. He didn't have any identification on him."

"Who was it?" She waited for him to answer her but, when he remained silent she said, "John?" He still couldn't speak; he didn't know how to say it. "John, I don't understand-"

"The man identified himself as Jared Banks."


	10. Chapter 10

"What?" She couldn't believe her ears, she laughed, "No...No there's no way." He knew she would need to see for herself and frankly so did he.

"I don't know Natalie"

"I saw him….he was dead", she whispered.

_"I'm sorry, I didn't tell you everything. I just wanted to protect my dad. I thought I could handle it."_

_"I know. It's ok. The next time you promise me that you'll come to me first, you hear me?"_

_"I don't think there's gonna be a next time. I'm so cold…"_

_"Jared? Jared? Jared? HELP I NEED A DOCTOR! JARED!"_

Natalie felt a shiver down her spine.

"I know", he said just as quietly. He reached over and grabbed her hand, they held on tight until they reached the hospital.

Rushing down the hall they reached the man's room, Officer Rice was standing in the hallway making notes in a notebook.

"Jeff, whatcha got?" John addressed the officer.

"Hey Lieutenant, security guard saw this man wondering around down at the south end of the docks and when he was asked what he was doing down there, he said he didn't know. He couldn't remember how he got there, why he was there, how, long he'd been there...nothing. When asked his name, he said Jared Banks and he asked them to call his wife. When the guard asked who his wife was and heard your name Natalie, he called the station. We had a portable kit so we finger printed him at the scene, results of the run should be back soon." Natalie lifted her eyes for the first time since the conversation started and nodded at Jeff Rice.

"Any injuries?" John asked.

"None that were obvious, the doctor is in with him now." the officer replied.

"Ok, great thanks", the officer nodded and left them alone.

"You ok?" John asked her, she was so pale and seemed to be drawn into herself.

"I don't hardly know", she answered distractedly; she had her arms crossed protectively across her chest. He reached out and placed his hand on her small rounded belly. She was wearing an empire waist top that flowed over her curves with a heavy cardigan effectively hiding her abdomen. She had carried all of the kids small. He knew anyone not looking for it wouldn't see her belly but, if anyone touched it, there would be no hiding it.

"Whatever you need sweetheart", he told her; she just nodded staring into space. She moved to sit in a chair up against the wall, he sat down beside her.

"Was it this weird when you saw Evangeline for the first time?" She asked him nervously.

"It was pretty awkward…..but, we're not even sure who this guy is", he said.

"Do you...think, do you think this is a coincidence?" she asked just realizing the situation.

"If it is, it's an amazing one", he said. Thinking about what this could mean, how this could happen, who could do this. All the usual suspects were dead. Mitch, Carlo…hell how many times did they come back from the dead.

"Do you think someone did this on purpose? I mean, what would they have to gain? How the hell did they pull this off? Mitch….Mitch is dead right? We….we saw him die." She said thinking along the same lines.

"Mitch Lawrence is dead. No doubt. I don't know, I-" John was interrupted by the door to the room opening. The doctor walked out and closed the door behind him. John noticed it was the same doctor that Evangeline had. John rolled his eyes.

"Excuse me doctor?" Natalie stopped him, "how is he?" She asked nervously.

"Who are you?" the doctor asked shortly staring her down.

"I'm….." She didn't know how to answer that. She blinked up at him not knowing what to say.

"We're with the LPD, what can you tell us about that man's condition", John took over for her. The doctor apparently recognized him. John noticed the narrowing of the doctor's eyes.

"No physical injuries, there is nothing wrong with him as far as I can tell. As with Ms Williamson, he has some short term memory loss. He doesn't remember what he was doing before he arrived down by the docks tonight. I looked through his file and unlike Ms Williamson, he only has no memory of the last few years, not a decade. Tread lightly, as to not overwhelm him but there's no reason he can't be brought up to speed _slowly_. Excuse me", he abruptly turned and walked away.

"He's not very friendly is he", she mumbled staring after him as he walked away.

"Not really", John agreed.

"We should mention this to Michael." Natalie started toward the door.

"Michael has better things to worry about…" he said quickly. "Hey, I don't really want you to go in there alone", he told her quietly. John put his arm and rested his hand on her side to stop her from passing him by.

"He won't hurt me", she said back just as quietly, looking up into his eyes.

"We don't even know if it's him", he scoffed was hoping she wouldn't fight him.

"I'll leave the door open", she said with a raised eyebrow, "ok?"

John wasn't happy but nodded anyway. He lowered his arm and as she passed him she gave him a quick kiss. As she walked away, he couldn't help the feeling of dread and helplessness that descended over him. He rubbed a hand over his face and walked back toward the room and leaned a hand onto the outside of the doorframe waiting to see if she needed him.

When Natalie walked into the hospital room, the man had his back to her as he stared out the window.

"Jared?" she said quietly. She thought she would faint. She was looking at her dead husband. Trying so hard not to pass out.

"Hi Sparky, where have you been?" he asked her, "they wouldn't let me leave here and…..what's wrong?"

"How are you here?" She whispered, still in shock.

"A cop brought me here, what I don't know is how I got down to the docks. That was really weird", he told her watching her closely. "You're acting weird, too. What's going on?" Natalie's eyes had filled with tears; she shook her head afraid to speak.

"Honey, it's alright, I'm ok", he said walking over to her, putting his arms around her. She hugged him back tightly.

"I didn't think I would ever see you again", she cried.

"I'm fine….see", he pulled back looking at her face. "Ok you're scaring me what's going on?" he asked her. Not getting an answer, he tried again, "Natalie…."

John stood outside the room, listening to see if Natalie needed him. His cell rang, it was the station, his prints came back as belonging to Jared Banks. He had to tell her. He waited a few more moments but John couldn't take it anymore, he walked into to room to see his wife in the arms of another man. She was hugging him tightly, he saw Jared pull back and tell her he was fine and she was scaring him. He wanted to shove Jared up against the wall.

John stood just inside the door keeping a tight lid on his emotions, he noticed Jared finally saw him.

"McBain, what's going on here", Jared asked as he tucked Natalie under his arm. He looked from John to Natalie, he felt her stiffen and pull away from him. Natalie couldn't meet his eyes. She walked to the other side of the room keeping her distance from men.

"Do you have any idea why you were down at the docks tonight?" John asked him unemotionally, wanting nothing more than to grab Natalie and run out of the room.

"No, none", Jared replied scratching his head.

"How about how you got there, what were you doing right before?" John asked.

"No idea, I don't really remember much. Last thing I can remember you were trying to railroad me", Jared said glaring at John. "Are we free to go because, I'd like to get home and get some sleep, I'm not feeling all that well."

John looked at Natalie and nodded his head, turning to pin Jared with a glare, "Yup, _you_ are free to go." Emphasizing the 'you', Banks wasn't leaving here with wife.

"John", Natalie scolded him.

"What the hell is going on here is there something I should know? Did I do something while I blacked out?" Natalie could tell Jared was getting frustrated.

"Jared, sit down", Natalie said. Jared stared at her for a moment, then made his way back over to the bed.

"Ok, I'm sitting down, what is going on?" Jared demanded, he was tired and frustrated and he just wanted to go home.

Natalie looked at John, "I have no idea how to do this." She pleaded him with her eyes. He can't refuse her when she looked at him like that. He sighed.

"Banks, what…..year do you think it is?" John asked awkwardly.

"Wh-what?" he laughed, "are you serious?"

"Very", John said flatly, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.

"It's 2009, honestly what is going on here?" Jared was getting agitated. Natalie took a deep breath as she went and sat by Jared on the bed.

"Actually Jared, it's 2014. We've….your family and I thought you were dead", Natalie said she reached over and squeezed his hand.

"What? I….No, it's not. Is this some kind of joke?" Jared asked pulling his hand away from hers.

"No", she said gently, "It's not. I'm sorry."

"What, how did this happen?" he asked her. Natalie quickly told him the events that led them to California, Mitch Lawrence and his 'death', John jumped in occasionally with details here and there but mostly trying to leave the story to her.

"So, you see…all these years", she looked at him hardly believing, "all these years, I thought you were….that you were dead."

"I…don't know what to think, what to believe." Jared told her, Natalie had an idea, she grabbed the remote for the television in the room and flipped it on to a national news channel. As they listened for a few minutes, it was clear from the stories they were reporting that it was definitely not 2009. When an ad for a new model 2015 car of some sort came on, Natalie turned to look at Jared, he looked stricken, sick and very, very pale.

"Are you ok?" she asked.

"Yeah, I just really wanna go home. We can figure this out tomorrow, I'm so tired", Jared told her. He picked up her hand and held it tightly. She looked at John. John was staring at her intently. He was leaving this up to her, and Jared should hear this from her. She owed him that.

"There's something else you need to know", she told Jared.

"I don't think I can hear anything else", he chuckled. "Can we please just go home right now?" He rubbed his eyes.

"_We_ don't have a home, Jared. I'm…I'm married to John", she said quietly but firmly. Jared looked between the two of them not believing what he'd heard.


	11. Chapter 11

"No…..there's no way", he was furious, he glared at John as he stood up. "There is absolutely no way you're married to th….him. No, this must be some kind of joke."

"It's true, we have two kids and one on the way, a nice house on State Street…my son wants a dog-" John said enjoying it probably a little more than he should.

"John!" Natalie glared at him. They were all silent for a moment.

"Is all of that…true?" he asked her, looking her up and down, taking in the changes in her body and noticing for the first time her abdomen.

She smiled sadly at him placing a hand on her belly, "it is…I'm so sorry."

"So", John said, "the doctor said you were free to go. Why don't we give you a ride to the Palace and we can get you a room for the night. We can talk some more tomorrow?"

Jared glared at John, "That's alright, I'll find my own way there."

"If you're sure-" John started to say as he turned to leave the room.

"No! John, seriously? Jared please, let us give you a ride so that I know that you got there safe", Natalie said pleading him with her eyes.

Just then John's cell phone rang, "McBain", he answered turning his body toward the door. His eyes snapped back to Natalie's, her stomach dropped. 'What now?' She thought and he told the caller they'd be right there.

"Who was it?" she asked walking over to him, not being able to shake the dread she felt.

"Uh, that was Michael", he said cryptically.

"What's wrong?" she knew it was one of the kids and she could feel herself panic.

"Uhm", John looked at Jared, debating whether or not Natalie would want him to say anything in front of him after he just rubbed their lives in his face a little bit but, making her wait would upset her, "He said that Laney has a fever but, he has it under control. He just wanted you to know." he said quietly but casually as to not upset her.

"She has a fever? Oh…Ok we need to get home. I need to get her to bed", she said as she turned back to the bed where she had dropped her coat. Even though Alana was healthy and strong, Natalie always panicked when she was sick. After what they went through when she was born, it scared her to think of her baby being ill.

He grabbed her hand stopping her, "Mike's a doctor, I think he can handle it." He looked pointedly at Jared. Natalie looked at Jared feeling the need to explain but, knowing it would hurt him.

"Alana is our youngest, she was a preemie so, I tend to be a little over protective of her. I…..really need to get her home and in bed", she walked over and stood in front of Jared.

He glared at her. "Where is my father?" Jared asked with no emotion, like he hadn't heard a word she said.

Natalie looked at him sadly, her eyes filling with tears, "uhm…I don't really know...he left my mom a couple years ago. Jared, please let us give you a ride, I won't be able to focus if you don't."

Jared stood and looked down at her, "I know my way around town, thanks", he said and glared at John as he walked out the door.

By the time John and Natalie got home and got Liam to bed it was late. John had been down stairs working, trying to figure out how two people who it was believed died were actually alive and while Evangeline was still working through her memories, Jared could remember everything right up until he 'died' but nothing else. Like where he'd been for the last five years.

John thought back to the scene in the hospital room. She had told him she had moved on and that she was sorry. 'Sorry for what though' he wondered. Sorry for the fact that she'd moved on….with him? Sorry for the fact that she didn't wait around? Did she regret it? What was she sorry for?

He could hear her upstairs with Alana. Mike said it was probably nothing, she wasn't pulling at her ears or her throat. She might have been cutting some more teeth, he'd said.

While John had put Liam to bed and went down stairs to work a little bit, Natalie took the Alana into her bedroom. While she sat in Alana's room and rocked her baby to sleep, she couldn't help but, remember the look on Jared's face when she told him she was married to John. She knew she broke his heart. She felt so guilty. He had no home, no family here, his father had left years ago. She didn't even know where Charlie was. She doubted her mother did either. She felt like she'd abandoned him. She needed to find him tomorrow and try better to explain. Get him to understand.

By the time he got upstairs, Natalie had Laney down and Natalie was already asleep. John sat in the chair next to the fireplace and watched her sleep. His whole world was in this house. He didn't want to lose it.

Natalie arrived at the Palace early the next morning, and she knocked on the door nervously. She didn't really know what to expect. When the door threw open, she stood looking up at Jared still hardly daring to believe it was true.

"What are you doing here?" he asked her irritably. He looked as though he hadn't slept.

"I just thought we could talk a little more", she answered still standing in the hall, twisting her wedding ring nervously.

"I don't really know what else there is to say", he said but he stood aside anyway and letting her in.

"Jared, I'm sorry that Charlie's not here to help you through this. Did you find out where he is?" She asked removing her coat. She was wearing a tighter sweater today and her belly was much more noticeable.

"I always thought you'd have my babies", he said to her, adding to her guilt. Natalie placed a hand on her stomach.

"I'm sorry that you're hurt by this but, I love my children and I don't regret them. Not even for a second", she said fiercely.

"No, you shouldn't", he looked away, "maybe your brother can help me find my dad." Jared crossed to the window, staring out.

"Oh, no Rex and his wife are in living in London now", she told him to his back.

"Rex is married?" he asked he turned to look at her.

"Yeah, they have a son. My nephew Shane", she supplied with a smile. Shane was such a good kid and Rex turned out to be a great father. She missed all of them.

Jared was speechless. "So much has changed", he mumbled quietly turned back to stare out the window.

"Oh, you have no idea. Jess…has a son, she and the kids live in Texas now. Kevin, Joey & Cord all still live in London Joey is married to Kelly, Kevin's ex-wife and Cord is married to my mom's sister Tina…..again but…uhm…my….parents are remarried. Though there for a while we didn't know if that would happen", she laughed nervously, she hesitated hoping he wouldn't ask about her parents. She was rambling she knew but, she didn't know how to make it stop.

"Why?" he asked her, she took a deep breath.

"My dad….he kinda interfered with John and me and…my mom was pretty mad for a while." She answered not looking at him. She heard him scoff. Most likely taking pleasure in the fact that her dad did and still does dislike John. She decided to get to the point of her visit.

"I want to help you Jared, I still care for you so much and…..when you died…I never thought….I was devastated. I….didn't know how I was ever going to go on without you-"

"But you did….with John McBain", he snapped at her, he stormed passed her, walking across the room.

"Jared, you knew all about our relationship. I never lied to you, I told you the truth. I wanted a life with John all those years ago. John and I weren't in the same place back then. I wanted to get married and have a family right away and he….he didn't know what he wanted. And I refused to sit around and wait for him to figure it out."

"So, you married me because you couldn't have him", he said.

"No, that isn't what I meant….I meant…that was why we didn't stay together. I did love you but…he and I …we never stopped loving each other. Almost from the moment we met, I've loved him. We were meant to be together. I'm so sorry you're hurt. I just want to be there for you now", she told him sincerely. He was quiet for a while. When he turned to face her he had a determined look on his face.

"I love you Natalie and I want you back", he stated firmly, looking at her. She crossed the room to stand in front of him.

"Didn't you hear what I just said? I do love you Jared…but…." she started but, he interrupted her.

"No, no 'buts'. You and your children, I want you back. We'll be a family, just like we planned", he said reaching out to grab her hand, "I don't care that they're his, I want you."

"Jared, I'm married to John now, he's my husband", she said gently. Jared took a step closer to her and brought his other hand up to cup her cheek.

"No, you're not", he said will a smug smile on his face.

"Not what?" she asked confused.

"Not married to him, you're my wife. We're not divorced and I am not dead. You're _mine_", Jared leaned forward and kissed her before she could stop him. For a minute, just as his lips touched hers she forgot herself and let him but, just then the baby kicked, reminding her of who she was and where she was and this wasn't right. It didn't feel right at all. It felt wrong, so wrong. She shoved him away from her. She glared at him for a moment, turned and grabbed her coat on the way out the door. She stopped in the hall leaning up against the wall. What had she done? What would John say? What could he say? John kissed Evangeline….her brain started but, no it wasn't right to justify it that way.


	12. Chapter 12

John was meeting Evangeline for lunch. Usually they met at his office but today he had to stop by Rodi's and asked her to meet him here instead. They'd been meeting occasionally to catch up or so John could answer any questions she might have about the past. He walked into Rodi's and after saying 'hi' to Destiny he took a seat in the back. He didn't have to wait long for Evangeline. She came strolling in, her confidence having returned a few weeks ago. The nervousness and frustration gone from her face.

"Hey", she said as she sat down, smiling brightly at him.

"Hey, how are you today?" He asked her with a smile, amused by her demeanor.

"I feel….great. I just found out what I need to do to start practicing again and I think I can get it accomplished, no problem", she said as she continued to smile at him.

"I'm happy for you, that's great", he said, "you hungry?" he asked as he went to the bar to order their lunch. He got them some drinks and sat back down so engrossed in conversation that he didn't notice Natalie walk in. She was frustrated and agitated.

"Hey Nat", Destiny said, "what's wrong?"

"I'm just, I don't know. It's nothing, I guess. How are you? How's Drew?" She said as she blew off the question tossing her coat and purse on the counter.

"Good, getting big, it's so hard to believe sometimes", Destiny said wistfully.

"Oh, I know, it goes by way too fast….how's Matthew?" Natalie knew that Destiny cared more for Matthew than he did for her and Destiny knew it too but, they managed to co-parent effectively. They were very good to each other. Treated each other with respect. Natalie wondered how long that would last if either of them got a significant other.

"Good, I guess…he's leaving for the police academy soon. Drew will miss him", she answered, leaving Natalie with the impression that Destiny would miss him just as much. "So, are you here to meet John?" She asked pointing to the table in the back.

Natalie turned in the direction she pointed to. Her heart stopped beating. There he was sitting with a woman, smiling and laughing at something she said. Natalie knew immediately who the woman was.

"How long have they been here", Natalie asked her. Natalie was trying not to jump to conclusions but, the picture they were presenting was pretty powerful. An intimate table in the back drinks in the afternoon, the care free laughing. Her hormones were doing a number on the irrational part of her brain. She wanted to haul Evangeline out of her seat by her hair and slam her up against a wall. 'Where did that come from?' she wondered silently.

Natalie swallowed the bile that rose in her throat and closed her eyes.

"Uhm…." Destiny stuttered. Turning back around she looked at Destiny and could see that the young woman thought she'd done something wrong by pointing John and Evangeline out to Natalie.

"Uh…no, I had some time and I thought we could go over the schedule if you wanted to", she said in a surprisingly calm voice. Natalie smiled at her trying to break the tension.

"Oh, yes that would be great", Destiny told her nervously, still looking stricken.

Knowing she had to get out of this room and calm down before she did something irrational and fly off the handle like old Natalie would. And proving to Evangeline that she hadn't changed. She opted to head to John's office

"I'll just go back to the office and get the budget folder and stuff we'll need", she said hurrying through the kitchen to the office, stopping to talk to the cook on her way.

Natalie had just returned to the bar with her supplies, when John and Evangeline's lunch order was ready. She stood facing the bar, and facing away from them, she needed to concentrate on teaching Destiny to do the schedule and she couldn't do that if she was staring at them eating for the next however long it took them to eat.

Destiny brought over their food and set it down in front of them. A chicken salad for her and a typical burger for him.

"Here you guys go and John, Natalie asked me to leave the onions and pickles off of your burger….said she didn't want to taste it later." Destiny forced a chuckle, looked at him pointedly. He looked up at her in surprise wondering what she was talking about. She just raised an eyebrow and tilted her head to the bar. There stood his wife, facing away from him bent over some papers on the counter. You couldn't even tell from behind that she was pregnant.

He stood up immediately, "excuse me", he mumbled to both of them. He heard Evangeline huff under her breath. He could see the tension in Natalie's shoulders as he got closer. He walked up behind her and leaned down to put his lips by her ear.

"Hey", he said and he felt her stiffen. He put his hands on her hips and she moved away slightly. If you weren't looking for it, it wouldn't have been noticeable but, he felt it.

"Hey", she said back distractedly.

"What are you doing here?" He didn't think about how it would sound before he said it. She froze.

"I work here…I thought I co-owned this place", she replied angrily, not yet turning to look at him. Shuffling around the papers on the top of the bar. 'What was she doing here?' She scoffed mentally. She was furious and confused. How often did they meet? They looked awfully comfortable with each other. She felt the tears prickling behind her eyes.

"You do. I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to come out that way", he told her trying to smile at her, he knew he hadn't done anything wrong but, he knew she was upset about something, and he was sure it was seeing him with Evangeline.

After swallowing a few times until she knew she could control her voice, she said, "I told you last week I was going to teach Destiny how to do the schedule." she said angrily, as she continued to pretend to be looking for something.

He reached out and grabbed her forearm turning her around, "What's wrong?" He asked her, she just glared up at him. She couldn't think of anything to say, she knew the tears were coming and she knew she wouldn't be able to stop them and the last thing she wanted was to cry in front of Evangeline who she could see out of the corner of her eye, was openly staring at them from the table. Destiny at least had the decency to pretend to be cleaning off empty tables. She took a deep breath, slowly turned back around to the bar and grabbed her purse and coat.

"I'm going home", she said in a very small defeated voice, turning and walking out without looking back at him. Natalie was practically bawling by the time she got home. She had a few more hours before she had to pick up the kids at her mother's house. Natalie took a hot shower and dressed in some of John's old sweats. She flipped on the gas fireplace in their bedroom, before sitting down in one of the two chairs that sat in front of it. She had stopped crying and was just so cold. Even sitting in front of the fire, wrapped in her husband's oversized sweats -she was freezing. She grabbed a throw blanket from the back of the chair and wrapped it around her.

Just then she heard the front door open. Closing her eyes willing the tears not to come but even as she did that, she felt them falling.

"Natalie", he called from downstairs. He called again not getting an answer, "Natalie!" She heard him stomp his way upstairs.

She just wanted to sleep, she was so tired, she thought. She didn't even look up as he came though the bedroom door. He stood in the doorway for a moment taking in what he was seeing. She was buried underneath a blanket in front of the fire. He stepped into the room.

"Natalie, are you alright?" He asked her, concerned about the way she looked.

"I'm so cold", she said quietly, not looking up from the fire.

"Here", he said quietly moving to come closer to scoop her up and hold her but, she didn't want him that close to her.

"No!…..Don't touch me", she jumped, holding a hand out toward him. He stopped suddenly and stared at her for a moment. Then he backed away and sat down in the chair across from her, he lean over with his arms on his knees.

"Natalie, please sweetheart, talk to me", he sighed, "if you're mad about me meeting Evangeline, just say so. I know how it might have looked but-"

She stared into the fire, "I don't want to talk about this right now", she said flatly, not moving.

He shook his head and said gently, "well, that's too bad. The last time you didn't want to talk about anything, you took my son and ended up in England. We promised each other we wouldn't do that anymore."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "You're free to do whatever you want John. You don't have to run your lunch dates by me", she said quietly as she swiped at her eyes. She heard him sigh. They sat in silence for a few moments while they both stared into the fire.

Finally, Natalie spoke, "I have to tell you something", she said, her voice sounding so sad.

"Ok", he said cautiously as he looked up at her.

"Jared…" she choked on his name, she felt the tears back again, she cleared her throat.

"Did he hurt you?" He asked her, thinking of all the ways he could beat Jared Banks and if he hurt her it would be justified. She shook her head.

"No", she said, "he…..he kissed me. He wants me back. He said he wants…..the family we were supposed to have." John sat back in the chair. Her voice started out sounding so forlorn but, the more she spoke the angrier she got, "I felt so…it was so wrong. His lips on mine felt so wrong and then….I find you on a date. Without a care in the world. Laughing. Not the slightest bit concerned about where I am or what I am doing until….I crashed your date", she let the tears fall now. She was beyond caring at this point.

"Natalie, it wasn't a like that. We got together for lunch to talk about what she remembered that's all. You know we meet occasionally at the office. Today I had to stop by Rodi's and I thought it would be easier to meet there", he told her trying to keep his voice even. After a minute he whispered, "Did you kiss him back?"

She took a deep breath, "Yes", she whispered, "but only for a second. I lost my head for a second, the baby kicked….." She rubbed a hand over her belly. She slid her eyes over to him, he was staring so intently at the fire, not moving a muscle. She could tell by looking at his jaw he was clenching his teeth. She looked back to the fire herself.


	13. Chapter 13

After what felt like hours, he whispered "Is that what you want?"

She snapped her head around, "What?" her brows furrowed, she stared at him.

"Is your life with him…what you want?" he said a little louder, still not looking at her.

"Why are you asking me that?" confused by his anger.

"I think it's a pretty legitimate question", his voice rose a little more. The more he sat there the more pissed he got. "Is your life with him…what…you…want", he emphasized the last three words. She never took her eyes off of him but, she couldn't answer. Her mouth hanging open. Not getting a response from her, John stood up quickly and walked across the room.

"Got even with me then, huh? For Evangeline, for that other woman _years_ ago. Does that feel good? That's just fucking great, Natalie!" He said lashing out at her.

"You think I did this to get back at you?" She asked standing up, turning to face him. "Are you kidding me?" She shouted at him. She threw the blanket on the floor and stepped out from behind the chair. "Honest to God John! I am so sick over what happed this afternoon….if I did this to get back at you, I would have worked a little harder to rub it in your face! Maybe get my Uncle Todd to take a couple of pictures for you! What about you, sneaking around with Evangeline!"

"I am not nor have I ever been…sneaking around with Evangeline!" He shouted back. She took a deep breath and covered her face with her hands.

"You know what…it doesn't matter. You can do anything you want, you are free to do anything you want", she said in a defeated voice. She couldn't fight with him anymore, she didn't have the energy. She turned from him and sat back down, swiping at her eyes.

"What is that even supposed to mean!?" He shouted at her again, he was so frustrated. He walked over and stood in front of her. "What the hell is this Natalie!?"

"I'm not your wife!" She shouted. She looked up at him, tears flowing down her face, "I'm not your wife. We are not married!" She put her face back into her hands and she sobbed uncontrollably. John stared at her for a moment, taking in her reaction, not having one of his own. He was stunned by her outburst.

"Wh-what?" he said quietly. She almost didn't hear him over her own crying.

"Jared said….he said he and I are not divorced and…he…he isn't dead", she said stuttering, she could barely choke the words out. "So that means…..I….I'm not your wife", she whispered. He stood in shock for several moments before he moved over in front of her chair. He pushed the hair back and lifted her face to look at him.

"Natalie-" The look on her face broke his heart.

"It's true…"she said quietly, "our marriage isn't legal. You're not my husband…I…I'm not your wife….so you are free to do anything you want. Be with anyone you want", she sniffed.

"What do you want?" He asked her fiercely, his hand slipping back into her hair.

"John-" she gasped.

"What is it you want Natalie?" He asked angrily, fisting her hair in his hand. "I have spent the last eleven years of my life loving you. I loved you before I knew I loved you. We've had some really bad times, and we've had some really, really great moments and there have been some times we didn't talk at all but, I've _never_ stopped loving you." He released her and stood up in front of her.

"Everything I've done the last few years was to prove to you how much I love you, how much I want our life together, how much I would fight for you", he spread his hands out, "all of this is for you." He realized he was crying but, he didn't care, "If you want this life too, I'll fight…I'll hold this together with both hands….but, if this isn't what you want. If you want to be with him….his wife….I won't stop you. I want you to be happy, I want you to want this too," He continued softly, "I won't make this hard on you but, you have to decide what you want."

John turned and walked out of the bedroom and down the stairs. Natalie sat in her chair, staring after him. What did she want? Stunned that she even had to think about it, there was no decision to be made, she loved him. She's loved him this whole time. She hated the fact that he thought she had to think this over. She jumped up and went down the stairs after him.

"John!" She called out as she reached the bottom, she saw him and stopped dead in her tracks. He was stopped in the doorway, he had been about to leave. He turned to look at her.

"Don't go", she said pleading him with her eyes. She stood looking at him praying he wouldn't go, "Please…please don't go. I need you", she cried and realized she was shivering.

He stepped back into the house and closed the door. Starting to walk over to her he noticed that she didn't look so good. She was pale, shaking and her breathing was labored. He closed the distance a little quicker and placed a hand on her waist for support. He took a deep breath, she looked ill and taking care of her came first.

"Natalie, come over here", he helped her over to the couch to sit down. "Sweetheart, you don't look well. Hey…tell me what's going on, how you're feeling."

"I just need you John, please….please just hold me", she said clutched at his shirt. They wrapped their arms around each other and he leaned them back against the couch. They sat that way for a long time. Both lost in their own thoughts. John rubbed his hand up and down her back trying to sooth her, he could feel the tension in her. Natalie stared at the Christmas tree in the corner, the presents wrapped underneath. Finally, she couldn't take the silence anymore, she needed to know what he was thinking.

"What's going to happen now?" She asked him quietly, the tears were gone but, they had left her voice rough.

He took a deep breath and sighed, "I don't know", he said. "Short term, I'm going to go get the kids from your mother's and I'll pick up dinner, while you go back up stairs. Maybe you should take a bath and get into bed. I'll bring your dinner up when I get back."

She looked up at him confused, "I can't, you'll need help, and Liam'll-"

"I don't, I can handle it. I need to know you're resting. Maybe I should call Dr Wright, you're awfully pale." He told her, thinking she would refuse but, he might just call anyway.

"No, no I'm fine. I just…..can't lose you", she pulled back. "John, I do love Jared, a part of me probably always will. I still care for Christian too but, I'm in love with you. I'm in love with our babies, I'm in love with our life together. I don't know why I feel so lost right now but, I do. I thought I knew who I was, I was your wife. I was Mrs. McBain but, I'm not. And I don't know what to do with how I'm feeling."

"If that is who you want to be, we'll fix it. As soon as possible, we'll fix it. I promise." He kissed her softly and pulled her back to him.

"That is exactly who I want to be, this is where I want to be….with you. You and me", she told him.

"This is exactly where I want to be too, please don't forget that", he said as he pressed his face into her hair. He whispered, "I'm sorry I shouted at you."

"You just looked so happy with her today", she admitted to him snuggling even closer to him, breathing in his scent.

"I was happy _for_ her, she's going to start her practice back up again. She's remembered so much including our break up, her forgiving me for all the wrongs she feels I leveled against her and most importantly that she had moved on with Christian before her accident. We're just friends sweetheart, that's all." He told her. He pushed her gently away from him, wiping the rest of her tears away. He brushed her hair away from her face.

"I'm going to help you upstairs and into the bath ok?" she nodded, "then I'm going to go get the kids, if you're done before I get back, you get in bed ok? And I'll bring you up something to eat, alright?" She nodded again and he held her close a few more minutes before helping her upstairs.

The next day, John insisted that Natalie see Dr. Wright, they went together. Her blood pressure was a little high but still normal and the doctor wasn't concerned at this point. The doctor said she would do an ultra sound to check the baby's progress. The baby was fine and healthy. She'd asked them if they wanted to know the sex but, they both agreed they wanted to wait. Natalie was approaching twenty-four weeks, she had Alana at twenty-eight weeks. That certainly made John nervous but, Vivian assured them everything was fine. Next week was Christmas, he'd taken some time off pending anything really big happening at the station, and they were going to spend the week together.

They'd finished their shopping over the weekend and come that Monday morning, they were sitting in Tea's office. They explained the situation to her.

"That is quite a story and…..I'm afraid he's correct. You're marriage isn't legal, I'm so sorry. You _are_ still married to Jared but, the good news is I can get started on divorce papers right away…..if that…that is why you're here right?" She asked them cautiously.

"Oh yeah, uhm….like how quickly can this happen?" Natalie asked her anxious to get this over with.

"Well, I can get started on the paperwork now but, with this week being Christmas and next week is New Year's…." Tea hesitated, "I can give you a call after the first and let you know where we are ok?"

"Yeah…I guess we don't have much of a choice. Just as soon as possible", Natalie said in a hopeful voice.

Tea reached over and squeezed Natalie's hand, "as fast as I can." She assured them


	14. Chapter 14

Natalie wanted this Christmas Eve to be special. She dressed Liam in his blue flannel pajamas, it had fire trucks and police cars on them. Laney was in her pink footy pajamas and she met John at the door in her checkered flannel sleep pants, a tank top and her short robe hanging open around her belly.

"Hey!" She smiled brightly at him.

"Hey yourself…." He looked around the room, the kids and the blankets on the couch. "What's going on here?" He asked coming further into the living room.

"We're gonna watch Rudolph in our jammies!" Liam proclaimed proudly jumping on the couch, "go change Daddy!"

"We are huh?" John turned to look at Natalie. She smiled back.

"Yup, and Frosty and Santa Claus", she said. He didn't think it was possible for her smile to get any bigger but, it did just then. "We are all going to cuddle on the couch in our pj's, turn off the lights and watch Christmas cartoons….what do ya think?" She asked him nervously, hoping he wouldn't think it was stupid or ridiculous. Hoping he'd want to do it too.

He laughed. "I think…." He lowered his voice seductively, "that I don't wear pajamas", he pulled her to him and kissed her forehead.

She smiled up at him, then bit her lip, playing with the buttons on his shirt, "No, you don't. That's true, that's true….so, loose the tie and the jacket and the shoes."

They both laughed as he moved away from her to do just that. Liam flopped down on the couch to sit and Natalie picked Laney up and went to join him.

"Hey, how bout a snack?" John asked.

Knowing that was code for 'John wants a beer', she chuckled, "sure, sounds good."

"Pretzels!" Liam hollered. Natalie laughed at his antics. After John went to the kitchen, there was a knock on the door.

Natalie wondered who it could be and with Laney on her hip she went to answer it. She threw the door open to find Jared on the door step.

"Jared….what are you doing here?" she asked him. He was staring at her and Laney. He was speechless as he took her in. Slippers, pajamas, her hair in a pony tail….a baby girl that looked exactly like her. Finally her belly that, with her sleep tank stretched a crossed it, looked so much bigger than the last time he'd seen her.

They stood awkwardly for a few moments until she asked again in a hushed whisper, "What are you doing here, Jared?"

"I needed to talk to you", he said quickly but, firmly.

"Now…is not a good time, Jared…you can't be here", she said quickly and quietly, she knew John was not be ok with this.

"Are you gonna watch Rudolph with us?" Came a voice from her side.

"Uhm…no sweetie, Liam, go in the kitchen and help Daddy get the right pretzels, ok?" She tried to smile casually at him, he might have looked exactly like John but, he had her personality. If he figured out that she didn't want him to hear this conversation, he would never leave. Laney on the other hand looked exactly like Natalie but, was silently taking all of this in. Even at two, it was almost as if you could see her analyzing the situation in her eyes, just like her father would. Her eyes never left Jared for a second.

"Ok!" He hollered as he took off to the kitchen.

Natalie whipped her head back around, "You can't be here, you have to leave." She said quickly.

"Not until I talk to you first." He stated forcefully.

"No. Not tonight, we have a family night planned and I don't want it ruined. You need to leave now", she started to close the door. He put his hand out, slapping in on the door, stopping her. Before she could say anything she heard John behind her.

"You better get your hand off of my damn door, Banks", she didn't have to turn around to see it, she could feel his anger at her back. They all stared at each other for a moment. "Natalie, take the kids upstairs."

"John-"

"I want to talk to my wife and I'm not leaving until I do", Jared told him.

"Right now, you're trespassing. I suggest you leave before I have you arrested." John said angrily, he wasn't playing around. He moved so he was in front of Natalie and he stood with his hands on his hips almost daring Jared to antagonize him. Natalie moved around to the side of the men.

"John-" she whispered to him but, he cut her off.

"Natalie, it's about twenty degrees out, shouldn't you get Laney out of the doorway?" He said never taking his eyes off of Jared. Natalie hesitated, looking between the two men.

"Yeah, she should be out of the cold", she said as she gently pushed her into his arms, "Why don't you take her upstairs and change her diaper real quick." Seeing Liam leaning around John, Natalie said to him, smiling, "go help Daddy and when you come back down, we can watch our shows, ok?"

"Ok!" Liam hollered and ran toward the stairs.

Jared watched as John and Natalie had a whole conversation with their eyes. Natalie was pleading with him to let her handle it and John was trying to get her to let him take care of her. John seemed to concede and pinned Jared with a stare before he turned and took his kids upstairs. Once they were out of sight Natalie wasted no time.

"What do you want Jared?" she asked still not inviting him in, she pulled her robe closer around her body and crossed her arms. Still not letting him past the doorway.

"You never answered me the other day", he said.

"What was the question?" she was confused and impatient.

"I told you…I want you back. I want the family that we were supposed to have together. You're my wife." He told her angrily.

"I don't really hear a question in that. But, it doesn't matter. This is my family, John is my husb-"

"I am your husband!"

Trying not to be harsh, she told him, "for now. I want a divorce. I've spoken to a lawyer. You should be receiving something soon."

"No! Natalie, I love you-"

"Yes. Jared, I'm sorry. I do care about you Jared, I always will and I don't want to hurt you but, this is where I want to be. Please understand…also…" she looked behind her and spoke quietly, "my children don't understand any of this. They're innocent. I would appreciate it if you not show up here again." She started to close the door and he put his hand out again to stop it. "Jared!"

"Here", he said shoving a present at her. When she looked up at him he looked so lost and hurt.

"I….can't accept that", she told him and shook her head.

"Yes you can", he shoved it into her hands and walked away.

She shut the door, shivering. Turning the small present in her hands. She couldn't believe that he had thought to get her a Christmas present.

"What's that?" she heard from the stairs. She looked up to find John leaning against the wall. She wondered how long he'd been there. If Laney could climb the stairs she'd have thought he hadn't left at all.

She smiled at him, "It's nothing important." She said and she set it on the table near the door. She could take it down to the church Christmas donation drive in the morning.

"Where are the kids?" she asked him brightly, trying to smile hoping that they could salvage night she so desperately planned.

"Upstairs, they're in Laney's room, she's in her crib playing and Liam is keeping watch, their safe. They haven't been alone that long. I didn't know...if you needed me." He knew that she could take care of herself but, he wasn't about to let her get upset.

"I do need you", she said, putting her arms around him, "I need us to have this night."

Tucking her hair behind her ear he said, "You got it, I'll go get the kids." He turned and went upstairs. Natalie plugged in the Christmas tree, turned on the fireplace and the television, and then turned off the overhead lights. She threw the blankets around the couch and John came down with the kids. John had untucked his shirt, unbuttoned it part of the way and rolled up his sleeves. He was so sexy holding their little strawberry blonde haired girl in her pink pajamas. She didn't think she would ever tire of looking at him. Liam was giggling and bouncing around.

"Come on little man, let's get our Christmas on", John told him as Laney snuggled into John's arms and Liam situated himself between his parents. Natalie smiled at John over Liam's head and grabbed the remote to start their programs. Despite how it started, it ended just as she'd hoped.

Natalie couldn't help but think how perfect Christmas was. A Christmas like she had dreamed about as a child. The children's laughter was the best part. The giggling and the smiles was all she could have ever asked for. There were moments that stopped her in her tracks when she looked at John. The way he threw himself into being a father. For as many times as she envisioned their future and times like these she never thought she would see him like this. So open with her and the kids. He was still that ex-FBI agent that cop with the hard edge when he needed to be but, he wasn't like that at home with them. But to see him with a two year old little girl trying to open a package and being silly, these were the moment she treasured more than anything.


	15. Chapter 15

They opened presents that morning, just the four of them. Michael, Marcie and their children as well as Roxy joined them at Llanfair. None of her brother's made it home this year and Jessica was due in on the day after Christmas for a visit. Clint and John's relationship would never be close but, they pretended, acting civil and polite for Natalie and Viki's sake. Michael, Marcie, John and Natalie would spend the following weekend with Eve. Roxy had given John a jazz cd of Christmas music and that evening John and Natalie sat on the couch. She was leaning up against him, he had one arm around her and the other was rubbing her belly. Pressing into it every once in a while trying to get the baby to kick. They were listening to the cd and relaxing in the glow of the tree. Him with a beer, her with a glass of orange juice.

"Hey", John said, looking at the tree strangely.

She followed his gaze. "What?" she said laughing at him.

"What is that back there?" he said getting up. He sounded genuinely perplexed. He knelt on the floor in front of the tree.

"Back where, what are you talking about?' she got up too and knelt down next to him. He was reaching his arm through the tree.

"What?…what is it?" she asked trying to figure out what he was seeing and doing.

He pulled a small square wrapped present out of the tree, "looks like we missed one", he said will a smile on his face.

"Where did that come from?" she smiled at him.

"Santa left it", he told her innocently, sitting himself down on the floor, "why don't you open it." he placed it in her hand, she turned it over.

"There's no tag, how do we know who it's for?" she said trying not to laugh. Looking up into his eyes.

He smiled at her, rubbed a hand over his chin and said shyly, "it's for you."

She smiled and opened the package to reveal a black jewelers box, she looked up at him, "what is this?" she whispered.

"Open it", he insisted. Inside was a beautiful eternity ring with five channel set stones of different colors across the front. She knelt there motionless. Her mouth gaping open.

"John", she gasped, "it's….it's….wow."

"It's us", he said, when she looked up at him confused he continued, "see I thought about getting you one of those mother's ring things, a birth stone for each child, and well I guess it still kind of is but, you and I are represented here too…..see…." he took the ring out of the box, "I can't remember all of the fancy names for each stone but, this light blue one is for me, for March. This dark blue one, that's for you, September. And this red one, that's Liam, January. This yellowish one is for Alana, November. And this white one for the baby, April. And if he or she comes early or late the jeweler said he'd change out the stone for us." He looked up at her, she was staring at him like she'd never seen him before. Tears in her eyes. "Natalie? Is this ok?" did she hate it, had he made a mistake? "….you don't like it." It was more of a statement than a question.

"Oh…John….I love it", she threw her arms around him and held him tight. "I love it so much, and I love you so, so much. It's probably the best gift I've ever received."

He pulled back and grabbed her hand, "Look, since you're not wearing your wedding rings right now because your hands are swollen, I stole them and I had it made so it would match and fit up against the engagement ring that was once my mother's and your wedding band. What do you think?"

"It's perfect", she whispered, "but…we're not…we're not married." She tried to smile through her tears, fingering the ring that lay in her open palm. She knew she wouldn't be able to get it on right now.

"In my heart we are", he looked down at her, "we will be again soon."

"Look at you….you have a few kids and you've turned into a sappy, romantic-", she teased quietly, wiping her eyes.

"Well, maybe the kids have a little to do with it but….it's you, you make me want to say and do these things. I know in the past it was hard for me to say stuff like this, how I'm feeling, what I'm thinking. It still is really but, I want you to know how much I love you. I don't want you to have any doubts about us, about what I would do for us. The minute Tea calls and says you're free, we are getting married again. I told you the day I married you….or thought I married you," he joked, receiving a light hearted smack on the arms for it, "from now on, it will always be and only be you and me. And I still mean that. " He pulled her to him. "You and me, me and you, yeah?", and he held her for a moment until she pulled away.

She looked up at him and said, "I love you, you know that?" when he nodded at her she continued, "and you...you're about to get very, very lucky tonight." She bit her lip and pulled him toward the stairs.

"I am?" he asked her, franing innocence.

"You are, anything you want…" she turned, biting her lip-walking backwards until her heels hit the first step.

"Anything….well, you know…your belly, while it's still really small you know it can sometimes, kinda get in the way so….maybe if you turned ar-" as he talked he'd pulled her close and turned her around pressing his front to her backside.

"Yeah, yeah….I know", she smiled and pulled up the rest of the way to the bedroom.


	16. Chapter 16

January flew by in a whirl wind of activity. Natalie tried to squeeze as much time in with Jessica, Bree and Ryder as she could. Liam and Ryder's fourth birthdays came and went.

John hadn't seen Evangeline since the day in December he'd skipped out on lunch. He'd called her several times to ask her to his office to catch up but, his called went unanswered and she never showed up. Natalie hadn't seen Jared since he showed up on her doorstep on Christmas Eve. She's heard from Tea that the paperwork had been drawn up and then later filed. It seemed like even though they knew Evangeline and Jared were alive and well and living in Llanview, John and Natalie's lives had gone back to their version of normal. It was the first of February that found Natalie sitting in Tea's office wondering how much longer this divorce was going to take.

"I thought you said ninety days with this 'no-fault, irretrievable breakdown' thingy?" Natalie was running out of patience and wanted this over.

"We've hit a small problem", Tea said pulling a folder out. Tea really hated to deliver this news to Natalie. She knew that her and John had been through so much.

"What kind of problem could there be?" Natalie questioned her. She couldn't believe this, this should have been a simple divorce.

"It seems Jared and his lawyer think he is entitled to half of your assets for the time you were married, this _whole_ time you've been technically married to him", Tea said quickly, hoping that would soften the blow.

"What? Are you joking?" Natalie was stunned. Not sure whether to cry or to scream.

"I wish I were, and there is something else you should know", Tea hesitated, knowing Natalie wasn't going to like this bit of news.

"What? Tell me", Natalie couldn't imagine what else there could be.

"Jared's lawyer….is Evangeline Williamson."

Natalie stomped through the front door, as much as she could stomp at almost eight months.

"John!" she hollered, walking into the living room and throwing her purse and coat down on the couch.

"Hey, where's the fire?" he asked from behind her having been in the kitchen. She turned to see him putting Alana down in the playpen. "There you go darling", he whispered. She couldn't help the tears that started. She hadn't wanted to cry until she saw him. She threw herself into his arms, crying uncontrollably.

"Natalie? Hey, come on, what is it? What's wrong?" He pulled her away to look into her face. Waiting for her to get herself under control. She swiped at her eyes and turned to take a couple of steps away from him.

"You'll never guess who Jared has hired as his lawyer", she said turning to face him. At his lost look she continued, "Evangeline….and him and that….that…_bitch_ want to take half of everything we have."

She started to pace back and forth.

"What? I knew she was working on getting her license back but, I didn't realize she could get it done so quickly", he said rubbing a hand over his chin once, then placing his hands on his hips.

"It's true, he wants half of all of my assets since the day we were married. What are we going to do?" He approached her slowly, not believing what she'd just said.

"What did Tea say?…Exactly", he said putting his hands on her shoulders stopping her pacing.

"She said that he and his lawyer think he is entitled to half of everything because I abandoned him! What a load of shit! He was dead as far as I knew….I didn't abandon him!" She shrugged out from underneath his hands and walked around him. She was so angry.

"You need to calm down, sweetheart. Getting upset like this isn't good for you or the baby…..come on", he sat down on the couch and indicated the seat next to him.

"How can you expect me to calm down? We might lose everything because of her!" Natalie was so angry, she could pull out every hair on Evangeline's head.

"Because of Evangeline? You think this is her fault?" John asked her bracing for the blow his words could cause. He realized how it sounded as soon as it left his mouth.

"Are you going to defend her?" Natalie asked quietly and cautiously, waiting to see where he was going, he was always defending Evangeline.

"I'm just saying he's a grown man, he can make his own decisions", John said hoping that was enough to defuse that argument.

"She's his _lawyer_ John, of course this is her fault. She would have to be the one to suggest it. He never would have done this without someone telling him he could. She's always hated me, now she can get back at me for everything she thinks is my fault." She ran both her hands back through her hair, "God! This is a nightmare."

"Listen, please sit down for a minute and talk to me here." She huffed and walked over to where he was sitting. "Now, start over. What did Tea say?"

Natalie took a deep breath, "I asked her what was taking so long, that she had said this could be over in ninety days. She said we had hit a snag because Jared and his LAWYER...decided that he was entitled to half of _everything_ he and I owned together while we were together and half of everything I owned after he 'died' because technically we were still married and it wasn't his fault he disappeared. Well it wasn't mine either! I didn't know he was alive." She threw her hands up in the air then buried her face in them.

"And what is Tea opinion on this?" He asked her, trying to think through what she was telling him.

"She said she's not sure, supposedly it's not like people disappear and reappear all the time for there to be a lot of precedence. But, this is Llanview, I told her, people die all the time and show up alive, how has this never happened before?" Natalie said thinking of all the people that had died and showed back up….even John had died once.

"Ok, so that doesn't mean they are going to win anything, right? And even if they did, they can't get anything that's my name right? We can more than afford to live here on my salary and with what Rodi's brings in. We'll be ok but, you've gotta stay calm. Getting upset like this isn't good for you or the baby, alright?" She nodded and he pulled her to him, putting an arm around her and tucking her head under his chin. "Promise?" he asked.

"Yeah, ok", she said neither really believing her. They sat quietly for a few minutes lost in their own thoughts when Natalie couldn't keep hers to herself anymore. It's something she'd thought about a lot recently.

"John?" She started nervously, playing with the buttons on his shirt.

"Yeah", he waited for her to continue, he absently rubbed his hand up and down her arm.

"Have you ever realized how many people we've both been involved with have died and come back to life?" She peeked up at him and when he felt her move he looked down at her.

"What do you mean exactly?" He asked.

"Christian, we thought he died. Right? And you thought Marty was dead at one time…Evangeline and Jared. Even you died on me once." She waited to see his reaction.

"Yeah, well except for me and Rex, everyone thought you were dead when Barber took you and you were gone for so long", he tucked her hair behind her ear as he sat thinking about what she said. It was true, almost everyone either of them have been involved with had 'died' at some point.

"Yeah, except for…..one person. Don't you think that is strange?" She knew she was skating on thin ice now, regardless of how far they'd come in their relationship, he still didn't like to talk about Kaitlin. She knew somewhere in the attic there was a box of mementos from Kaitlin he couldn't get rid of. She was fine with it, knowing also, that he had things he had tucked in his sock drawer that were mementos of their life together since the beginning. Thing she hadn't even known he'd kept until they moved into this house. He took a deep breath and signed, she was right.

"I guess you are right about that but, think about it, Christian, Marty, Evangeline, Jared, you and I, none of us were gone for as long as Kaitlin has been. If she were alive…she would have showed up by now. Don't you think?" He tried to laugh it off but, it fell flat even to his own ears. Kaitlin had been dead for 16 years now. He thought of her now and then but, Natalie and the kids were his life now, she was his life then and that was over. He held Natalie a little tighter, he might as well tell her now.

"I think I might have a lead on where Evangeline and Jared were", she jumped to sit up quickly in surprise.

"What? Why didn't you say anything?" she asked him, staring at him in shock.

"Because I don't know anything yet. When I know something for sure, I'll let you know, Ok?" He said as he tucked a lock of hair behind her ear again, and cupped her cheek, rubbing his thumb over her chin. "I promise."

She nodded and smiled, "ok", and snuggled back down into his embrace.


	17. Chapter 17

Knowing Jared was still living at the Palace, John made his way there a few days later. Hoping he could do something to convince Jared to drop this suit for Natalie's sake. She wasn't sleeping and he could see the anxiety in her face. She didn't need this stress on top of everything else. He reached the room and knocked firmly on the door. When Jared answered, he was wearing only his jeans, no shirt, no shoes and no socks.

"Is this a bad time?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Nope, perfect timing actually", he answered smugly.

"Good, cause we have to talk", he pushed his way inside. He took in the room. A room service table pushed against the wall. The bed was a mess and there were clothes thrown all over the room. There was a faint scent of a fragrance that was familiar to him, definitely female perfume of some sort. It wasn't hard to deduce that Jared had had some company as recently as this morning.

"Not taking advantage of the maid service in this place", he commented dryly.

"That's none of your business, is it?" he asked angrily and shut the door.

"No, I guess not", he conceded, taking a deep breath, John decided to just get to the point so he could leave. "Listen, we need to talk about this divorce….stuff. What exactly are you hoping to gain by this? Revenge? Natalie says it isn't like you to hurt someone on purpose."

"Just trying to get what's coming to me. She owes me", he said as he walked around him further into the room.

"Owes you for what? She thought you'd died Jared, she would have never have left you back then. If anything you left her", he paused waiting for him to say something when he didn't he tried a different approach. "How did you manage to get Evangeline Williamson to represent you? From what I understand she just only recently got her license back."

"She offered her services to me, why would I turn her down?" Jared said again smugly, raising an eyebrow at him, as if he had a secret. Jared walked over and poured himself some coffee from the tray. John sensed that there was a double meaning behind what he said.

"Yeah? And what exactly is in it for her?" John looked at him narrowing his eyes, placing his hands on his hips.

"Who says there is anything in it for her besides her normal fees?" Jared glared back.

John looked lazily around the room again and mumbled, "not sure where I'd get an idea like that."

"What exactly are you implying John", he turned in surprise at the sound of her voice. Seeing her standing there in the doorway of the bathroom, leaning against the doorframe confirmed what he already suspected. She was dressed, skirt and top but, her suit was missing her jacket and shoes. She had definitely been comfortable here.

"Just a question. Just wondering exactly what is going on here. Looks like a lot more than an attorney / client relationship. Is this even ethical?" John asked looking between them, swinging his finger back and forth. He was amused and a little disgusted both with what this scene implied. Neither looked either ashamed or proud and John certainly didn't feel like figuring out the mystery of what exactly was going on here.

"Look, I don't feel like playing this game anymore. You both can screw whoever you want to, I really don't care", he looked away from her and back to Jared, "you loved Natalie once, she's pregnant, why would you deliberately put her through this? I was there, Jared….when you died. I watched her fall apart. She loved you and she if she had known you were alive-"

"What McBain?! She would have stayed with me forever?" Jared spat out sarcastically.

"Who knows….maybe", John tried to reason with him, even though the thought hurt.

"No, she told me. She never got over you. You were right there waiting for me to fall. Not only did I fall, I _died _! Right? Wasn't that even better for you? You wanted her back and you got her. You got the family that should have been mine. You were probably sitting there with your arms wide open just waiting for her to come to you right? And of course she did!" Jared put the coffee cup down and walked over to the bar and poured himself a stiff drink.

"That's right Jared, John and Natalie have always been about John and Natalie, no matter _who_ they were supposedly with at that moment. They have always had this…..this unhealthy obsession with each other. There is no way anyone would have come between them for long", Evangeline spoke up, crossing her arms over her chest. John couldn't read her tone, part snark, part sarcasm, part resignation. He scoffed at her and turned to Jared.

"Let's get something straight right now Banks, I _never _wanted to lose her in the first place. I loved her and I wanted to marry her years ago. Before you ever showed up here….but, things fell apart and I….panicked and things spun out of control and she walked away from me….rightfully so and like an ass, I let her. That was the biggest mistake I've ever made. And regardless of what went on between she and I after _you died_, the fact is she moved on. _We_ have the family _we_ were supposed to have. She and I. And all of this stress and worry and anxiety isn't good for her or the baby. You don't know what we went through with our daughter. I almost lost them both and I won't let that happen again. Do you understand?" John said as he moved around Jared and headed for the door, turning around as he flung it open, "You should really grow up and get over it. Both of you." He pinned them both with a glare as he slammed the door behind him.

What a mess. Damn it, he was going to have to tell her about this. Evangeline could sleep with whoever she wanted to, he could careless but, Jared. Natalie and Jared were married at one point, technically they still were. Their relationship was more than his and Evangeline's ever was. How was she going to take this newest development?

To say that Natalie was furious was an understatement however, John was happily unprepared for her reasoning.

"I mean, that's got to be unethical right? A conflict of interest? Can't she loose her _newly gained_ license over this?" Natalie was pacing back and forth in John's office. He watched her from his chair, leaned back as far as it would go, pen twirling in his hand. As she paced, her station id bounced on her belly and he smiled.

"What are you laughing at?" she turned and glared at him. She really didn't find any of this funny.

He smiled even bigger, "you're cute when you're mad."

"Would you please be serious", she tried to scowl at him but, she couldn't help but smile when she turned her back on him. "Do you think this is something that Tea can use to expedite this divorce?" She asked him turning back, thoughts were rolling around and around in her head.

"Ok, look….." he said sitting up, "we'll have to check with Tea to confirm this but, while this is definitely immoral, I don't believe it's illegal. So I guess it comes down to Evangeline's reputation, and what she wants it to be. She had a great reputation before. Does she want to be known as the lawyer that sleeps with her clients? I don't know. And you know what? Maybe they have feelings for each other too, would that be so bad?" He asked her.

It wouldn't be for him to have both of them out of their hair. There was still the question of where they had been sitting out there too. And if his hunch and informant are correct there was still the question of how they got away or were they let go.

"I don't want him to end up with her", she shook her head, trying to imagine them together.

"She's not that bad. She deserves to be happy too you know and….well he doesn't want you with me either. Neither of you have a say in who the other chooses to be with. Good thing for us. You're going to have to let this go", he said knowing she probably wouldn't. It was just something between her and Evangeline, the way they got to each other. He knew he had a lot to do with it at one time but, there was more to it than that. Their dislike for each other was palpable. She had hated it when Evangeline started dating Christian too.

"I just hate to see him end up with her, she is such a witch", she mumbled as she rubbed her belly. She was pretty sure had been having Braxton Hicks all day. They hadn't had a normal delivery yet. She wasn't sure how John would react when the time came for real with this one and she prayed it was nothing but normal. Crazy Marty delivered Liam, who was breach, then tried to kidnap him….twice! She had Laney by emergency cesarean, John wasn't there for either of their births. At thirty-two weeks she knew it was safe to have the baby now but, if it could stay in there a bit long she would rather it did. She made a mental note to ask Dr. Wright at her next appointment if the baby had turned yet.

She had just realized he was speaking to her when he stopped, "what's wrong?" he asked her, narrowing his eyes, he knew she hadn't heard a thing he'd said.

"Oh, nothing….just….thinking", she answered distractedly waving her hand away at him, like she was swatting at a fly. He gave her a looked that said he clearly didn't believe her. So she promptly changed the subject back, "so when can we go see Tea?" He shook his head at her knowing she was changing the subject on purpose but, letting it go.

"I have to be in court this afternoon and I really need that report on those fibers you found at the robbery on Second before I go", he cleared his throat and looked pointedly up at her.

"Fine!" she huffed over exaggerating her irritability with him, she rolled her eyes and turned to leave.

"Oh and….Natalie", he said sweetly to her back as she swung the door open.

"What?" she asked as she turned back around, still not amused.

"I love you", he said seriously. She sighed, how could she stay mad at him on any level when he looked at her like that.

"I love you, too", she smiled as she closed the door behind her making sure not to slam it like she wanted to.


	18. Chapter 18

By the time they got with Tea by the end of the week, she pretty much echoed what John had said earlier.

"I've never worked with Evangeline Williamson but, her reputation _was_ impeccable. One of the best so I am told. I'm not sure though after this long of a time that her reputation would still be intact anyway. This would be her first case in, what like seven years or something, right? Wouldn't be a great way to get back into the game", Tea said pulling a file out of a stack on her desk. "However, I learned a thing or two being married to both Todd and Victor that they don't teach you in law school."

"Yeah but, I don't want either of them to have anymore reason to come after Natalie. Isn't there anything else we can do….legally?" John asked her.

Tea smiled and said, "Ok, legal and ethical and all above board, you got it."

"I find it hard to believe that between the two of you, you don't know a judge that owes you a favor", Natalie looked back and forth between the two and said hesitantly, "or maybe some judge that could use some extra cash maybe?"

"No", both Tea and John said at the same time, Tea raised an eyebrow at him and John chucked and stood up, Tea took a breath and continued, "John's right, if this was just an expedited divorce finalization, sure maybe but, there is a ruling to be made involving a hefty sum of money. We can't go and bribe a judge for a ruling with a settlement. But, you know Natalie, maybe you could go and talk to Jared. Appeal to his feelings for you. See if you can talk some sense into him. You loved each other at one time maybe you could use that to your advantage and get him to back off this suit."

"No, I don't want her anywhere near him." John said pacing behind her chair.

"Why not, you went to see him?" she asked indignantly.

"That was different. I'm not pregnant nor do I need to keep my blood pressure down", he said coming to a stop and crouching down to the side of her. He grabbed her hand and give her that look, the one that begs her to please just listen to him.

"I wanted to be married by the time the baby came", Natalie took a deep breath and sighed, feeling the tears welling up in her eyes. She was so tired. She rubbed her forehead, she was getting a headache and really just wanted to lay down.

"Listen, I'll try to get a court date as soon as possible. You guys are my priority right now ok? I will do everything I can to get this resolved as soon as possible. I'm so sorry you're going through this", Tea told them and came around her desk to give Natalie a hug after she stood up. "After what you both have been through, you deserve to be happy." John and Natalie both thanked her for her time and headed home for the day.

The first court date Tea could get them was at the end of March. Natalie had come to terms with the fact that she wouldn't be John's wife before this baby was born. She was disappointed. It was a long month for Natalie who had stopped working both at the police department and Rodi's even though she stopped in to check on Destiny quite a bit. She told John she felt as though they had thrown all of this responsibility onto Destiny's shoulders and then left her to deal with it. He assured Natalie that Destiny could handle it, and Natalie knew she could, she had been doing a great job. She just felt guilty because she wasn't working anymore and Destiny had Drew to take care of. Two weeks from her due date and 3 days before their court date, Natalie waddled into Rodi's to check in with Destiny. Seeing Jared at the bar she wandered over.

"Hey", she said walking up to him, surprised at the feeling of happiness to see him.

He turned to look at her for a moment, "hey", he said back turning back around.

"How are you?" she asked concerned. It was eleven in the morning and he was well on his way to drunk already.

"You look ready to pop", he said humorlessly, almost rudely.

"Thanks", she said back in the same tone. If he didn't want to talk to her then fine, she was in no mood to play nice today. Her feet hurt, her back hurt and she was exhausted. She went over to speak to Destiny.

"How are you feeling?" Destiny asked her concern showing on her face.

"I'm good", Natalie smiled, "thanks for asking."

"You don't look so good", she told Natalie, she reached out and covered Natalie's hand with hers, "are you sure you feel ok?"

Natalie chuckled and rolled her eyes, "thanks, way to make me feel good", she tried to tease, but ended up sounding annoyed.

"No….I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that….I'm just worried about you", Destiny told her, feeling bad for hurting Natalie's feelings.

"Oh, I know. I'm just a little tired and touchy today. Don't mind me", Natalie said smiling at her. "How's Drew?" She asked to change the subject.

"He's great, thanks. Hey, there were some envelopes that came in the mail the other day, they looked personal, I'm not sure but, I put them on John's desk. I'll go get them for you", Destiny told her and she started for the door.

"No, that's alright, I'll grab them. I need to grab a few other things while I'm back there anyways", Natalie told her stopping her before she got too far. Natalie went through the kitchen saying 'hi' to Joe, the cook on her way to John's office.

She dropped her purse and coat in the chair by the door, she sat down at his desk and put her face in her hands. She was so tired. She didn't remember being this tired with Liam, of course he was her first and she never got this far with Laney. She thought about calling John and having him pick her up from here.

'Good grief Natalie', she said to herself, 'women all around the world have babies everyday and they make it just fine, get your damn self home', she thought. She stood up and grabbed the mail and the ledger and started around his desk when a pain shot through her. Dropping the papers in her hands, she held the side of the desk, breathing deeply waiting for it to pass. As the pain eased, she realized this was much more intense than the false labor pains she had been having up until this point. Her purse was across the room and John had taken the landline out months ago.

"Hey!" She hollered, "Joe!"

She waited a moment and another pain shot across her belly, bringing her to her knees.

"Help!" she screamed again as the pain passed again.

"Natalie?" Joe asked as he stuck his head into the office, "you ok?"

"No…." she panted, "please…get help" she was breathing heavily, and she knew she needed to get her breathing under control. She had just started taking some deep breaths when Destiny and Jared burst through the door.

"Natalie!" Destiny gasped, "oh my God, are you ok?" She asked just as another pain ran through her again. Natalie, still on her knees grasping onto the corner of the desk, let go and let her bottom slide to the floor, holding her belly. As the latest pain passed she tried to scoot over to lean her back against the desk.

"Call an ambulance!" Jared yelled at Destiny needlessly as she was already out the door.

"Natalie", Jared crouched down in front of her, "are you ok Sparky? What's going on baby, what's wrong?" He asked brushing the hair away from her face, she hadn't realized she was sweating.

"I need John…get John…" She gasped out, panting again. This baby was coming right now.

"I'm right here, let me help you", he said to her.

She shook her head vehemently, "no, no please, please get John….I need John…..please Jared", she was crying now, and he knew he couldn't refuse her, "I need him."

Jared took a deep breath and sighed, realizing he wasn't wanted or needed here. "Where is he?" Jared asked her resignedly.

"My purse", she pointed to her bag in the corner, "my phone."

He scrambled across the floor picking up her bad and sliding his finger across the screen and searched for his name in her contacts, " 'John' isn't in here", he told her, bewildered.

"Hubs", she said panting again, feeling another jolt of pain.

"Hubs?" he repeated looking up at her, "seriously?" He shook his head and rolled his eyes.

Shooting pain distracted her from her angry reply, she hollered out and he quickly pressed the green call button.

John answered on the second ring, "hey sweetheart, where-"

"McBain, its Jared-"

"What are you doing with Natalie's phone?" He asked him angrily. At that moment he heard Natalie holler out in the background, "what's going on?" he yelled into the phone.

"We're at Rodi's…you need to hurry", not waiting for a reply, Jared hung up and tossed her phone back over to her purse.


	19. Chapter 19

"The ambulance is on its way", Destiny said reappearing in the doorway. She knelt down next to Natalie and helped her move over more so she lean fully against the desk. The desk was pretty heavy and hadn't been moved in several decades, Destiny prayed that the years of dirt and grime had cemented it to the floor so that if Natalie braced her back on it, it wouldn't move and slide out from behind her.

"Did you call John?" Destiny asked Jared, he nodded his head yes.

The police station was just across Angel Square from Rodi's, Destiny was pretty sure if that was where John was, he would beat the ambulance here.

"What do you need? What can I do?" Jared asked her. She just shook her head keeping her eyes closed and trying to control her breathing, it wouldn't do anyone any good if she were to panic and hyperventilate.

Suddenly they heard a loud banging, the sound of cooking pots, pans and metal utensils hitting the floor. As John burst through the kitchen door, he slammed it back against the work table that stood behind it and sending the cooking utensils and various metal kitchen objects to the floor. Destiny, Jared and Natalie all jumped hearing a loud crash coming from the kitchen.

"That would be John", Destiny said smirking as he came into view. He stood in stunned silence for a moment, taking in the scene. Natalie on the floor, Destiny and Jared kneeling on either side of her. She opened her eyes and looked at him.

"Natalie…." he gasped.

"I think I'm in labor", she said as nonchalantly as she could.

"And I think your water just broke", Destiny said looking down, "do you need me or should I go wait for the ambulance?"

"I'm fine", Natalie responded softly feeling the beginnings of another contraction. John took Destiny's place at her side and grabbed her hand and brushing her hair back off her face. He took several quick deep breaths before he asked, "what are you doing here? I thought you were at home?"

"I forgot the ledger the other day and you had said you wanted to look at it so I thought I would-"

"Ok, ok…" he said quickly, not wanting to upset her.

"John", she panted as a contraction hit her.

"Yeah", he answered back holding her as best he could in the awkward position.

"I'm scared", she whispered looking up at him.

"Hey, me and you remember? We can do this…..together, right?" he said looking into her eyes.

"Yeah, me and you", she answered back.

As they spoke quietly to each other, neither of them noticed Jared's presence any longer. Focused on each other, Jared saw the visible change in Natalie having John at her side. The way she looked at him and the way he touched her. Even through her next contraction, she was calmer and more relaxed. Jared watched them a moment longer, then stood up and slowly walked out of the office, through the kitchen and out the front door without looking back.

Natalie could hear voices but, she couldn't make herself open her eyes. She could pick out John's voice, Michael's and her mom's, she was pretty sure. They were whispering, she couldn't make out actual words to hear what they were saying. She thought her herself, there were two options, force her eyes open or just let her mind drift back to sleep. Thinking about how tired she had been lately, she opted to fall back to sleep and she was drifting back off quickly until a shrill, tiny cry startled her fully awake. Her baby. Her eyes flew open to see John sitting in a chair across the room, holding their new baby with Michael standing over one shoulder and her mother standing over the other. She must have made a noise as all three looked up at her at once.

"Hey", John said softly, smiling almost shyly at her.

"Hey", she said back not being able to keep the smile off her own face.

"Oh darling, you and John certainly make beautiful babies", her mother said coming over to her bed and grabbing her hand.

"Thanks mom", each squeezing the other's hand.

"I'm going to go, I've left Liam and Alana alone with Lois for too long now as it is. They will be full of cookies and chocolate milk by the time I get back", Viki laughed.

"Are they ok? Are they worried or anything…" Natalie was mentally berating herself for forgetting about her other children even for a moment.

"They are just fine and right in there glory, I promise you. Between Lois and your father, they have the run of the house. Don't you worry about them ok?" Viki leaned forward and kissed Natalie on the forehead, "congratulations sweetheart."

"Thanks mom, I love you", she said softly.

"I love you too, darling", Viki turned to leave acknowledging John and Michael as she left. Both of them muttering a polite 'Mrs. Buchanan' back to her.

"Well, I'm going to head out too. Marcy will want to hear all of the details when I get home", he said smiling, "and I am sure she will insist on stopping by later."

"She wants a little girl you know", Natalie teased him, smirking, "you'd better get to work on that."

"Ah, no. I think we are good", Michael said smiling at her.

"Are you not going to have any more?" she asked him seriously.

"Yeah, I'm not sure the world could handle anymore McBains. Besides, you two realize that you are now outnumbered right? Three to two. That's not good", he said as he headed for the door.

"We'll be ok", John said not bothering to look up from his newest child's face.

"I know you will", Michael said honestly as he turned to give his brother one last look and catching Natalie's eye, he winked at her.

"You know, your brother isn't all bad sometimes", she said smiling at John.

"He's a pain in the a-"

"John!" she scolded him in jest.

"Uhm…bottom and you know it", he looked up at her, obviously joking.

"Great save, McBain", she laughed. He stood up and crossed the room.

"Do you want to see your mommy?" John whispered to the sleeping baby and got a deep sigh in response. John looked up at Natalie, "I'm not sure if that is a yes or a no….." he laughed.

"I think that was a yes", she said happily as she tried to sit up straighter. John helped her get comfortable and placed the baby in her arms and pulled a stool on wheels closer to the bed. He was level with her shoulders and he leaned forward and kissed her arm.

"Thank you", he said so seriously that Natalie snapped her head around to look at him.

"For what?" she said quietly, she could see the tears welling up in his eyes and watched as he swallowed hard before he spoke again.

"For changing me. For loving me. For giving me three beautiful children. I'm not that same…..broken man that walked into your life all those years ago. You healed me, you and Liam and Alana and…..this little one. For the first time in….a long time, I feel like I'm finally who I'm supposed to be. And even years ago, before my accident, when I was thinking about proposing back then, you know, I never saw us like this, how we are now. I never imagined being this happy, and satisfied, and content. And that is all because of you", he stopped speaking, he tried to swallow around the lump in his throat. Trying to will the tears not to fall. Natalie wiped the stray one that did away and grabbed his hand in hers.

"I loved that man that walked into my life all those years ago, you know. With all of his issues and ghosts and demons and everything…and I love you", she told him. John took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes dry.

"Oh geez, I've turned into a blubbering mess", he said smiling at her, trying to lighten the mood.

"Mmm….that's ok. We'll be hearing a lot of crying for a while, I am sure", she smiled down at the bundle in her arms. "We have to think of a name", she said absently still looking at her beautiful new baby.

"Yup", John said playing with her hair, "hey, there's uh….something else we need to talk about."

"What?" she looked up sharply alarmed that something was wrong.

"Well, it's just that….you see Mike, he was talking about…" he hesitated, not really sure how to bring it up.

"John, just say it", she said finally.

"Are we done now? I mean, do you want anymore?...Is it too soon to talk about this?" He stumbled around.

"You mean kids, do we want any more kids?" she asked to clarify, watching him carefully. When he nodded she asked, "do you?"

"Well I…." he hesitated, he didn't want to hurt her feelings, it was probably too early to bring this up.

"John, you promised me….honestly, remember? Just tell me", she stared at him intently until he finally took a deep breath said, "it's just that, I'm already the oldest dad at the park and I don't want to be so old that I can do things or miss out on stuff with them, you know I….."

"You've made it your life's mission to prove to me over and over again that you're not old", she teased, looking at him slyly.

"Quit, you are off limits for six weeks….you just had a baby, what's wrong with you", he smiled and teased back quietly. They were quiet for a moment both lost in their own heads.

"I think our lives are complete now don't you?" she asked seriously, "if feels complete to me."

"You don't want to try to even them out, you know two boys and two girls?" he didn't want to make this decision all about him. "It's just that, if you wanted more, I want to give them to you. You know we've never talked about this, it's never been an issue between us. In fact, I've never really thought about it but, you're so much younger than I am and you deserve to have the family you want."

Natalie was thoughtful for a moment, watching her new baby sleep in her arms.

"No, I think this is perfect, just the way it is now", she looked over at him, it was her turn to cry, "do you want to hold your son?" She laughed through her tears and she handed him to John.

"What was Michael talking to you about?" she asked, wondering why he was bring it up now.

"Oh, uhm….well, he was saying, I could have a procedure…you know, so you don't have to, because, it's easier for me than for you and….I thought I could do it while your recovering too so…you know….we'd both be ready to go at the same time", Natalie stared at John, her eyebrows had rose while he talked and she knew she couldn't hide the shock on her face.

"Are you serious?" she asked.

"Well….yeah", he answered not quite sure if she was angry or relieved, what he didn't expect was for her to burst out in laughter. He watched her seriously while she tried to get her laughter under control.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to laugh", she said, still giggling.

"Yeah, you seemed like it. I just thought it could be a solution for us. If you don't think it's a good idea-"

"No, no not at all, I was just….I just never thought you and I would have this conversation. It just tickled me I guess. Of all the things we have talked about….I mean, we've had a whole conversation centered around our child's poop before but, this just tickled me, I'm sorry, I wasn't laughing at you. I promise, and I think that it's a very good idea for you to do it while I am 'off limits'. Very thoughtful of you to think of me", she teased, knowing it was more for his benefit than hers. She moved back down the bed so she could lay her head back. She closed her eyes, still chuckling and she slipped off to sleep without realizing it.


	20. Chapter 20

She woke to the sounds of a fussy baby but, as she rolled over to check on him she saw that it wasn't John holding the baby but, Jared.

"Hi, I…it was crying and you looked exhausted and I thought maybe ….." he trailed off.

"No, that's ok", she said groggily.

She finished rolling over and sat up. "Him", she said.

He looked up at her confused, "huh?"

She said kindly, "that's him, not it", she smiled.

"Oh, yeah…right, him", Jared said nervously, "does him have a name?"

"Not yet", she answered, "we've always tended to wait until the last minute to name them. John wanted them all to have a special meaning behind their names. I'm not sure how we are going to come up for a name for this one. Liam's middle name is 'Asa', you know, for Grandpa and Alana's is 'Katherine' for John's grandmother. You'd think with nine months to come up with something, we wouldn't be scrambling after they are already here."

"I always thought when I held your baby, it would be mine too", Jared whispered.

"I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you", Natalie whispered back. He glanced at her and he looked down at the baby then Jared seemed to collect himself and sat up straighter.

He handed the baby to her and stood up. "I signed the original papers that you sent over and told Evangeline to file them as soon as possible. She was going to call Tea and see if there was a way to speed things up. I told her to do everything she could to get this done quickly", Jared gave one quick nod and headed for the door.

"Jared, wait", Natalie called. He stopped at the door but didn't turn around. He waited for her to speak.

"Why?" she asked, completely bewildered.

He finally turned around, "you belong with your family." Was all he said

"Thank you….so much", she said quietly.

He opened the door quickly and almost collided with John, who was holding Alana in his arms and Liam's hand. The men looked at each other for a moment, then Jared nodded once and walked away down the hall. John started to turn to watched him go but, Liam was straining against his hand, pulling him into the room.

"What was that all about?" John asked her as the door closed.

"He said he signed the original papers I sent over, and he said was going to get Evangeline and Tea to try to speed things up", she said in a quiet voice and reached a hand out to her daughter who was squirming to get down.

"Why?" he asked her, setting Alana on the bed next to Natalie but, keeping one hand on her so she didn't fall either off the bed or onto Natalie and the baby, then turning to help Liam up on to the bed so he could he could see the baby too. She shook her head indicating that she didn't know and asked her son if he had fun with his grandpa.

Jared stood at the window of her room, watching them. She was glowing, with one child in her arms, one to her left and one to her right. He watched as she turned her smile to the man in front of her. Jared realized that she never smiled at him like that. Jared could never recall a time that she looked so happy with him. Thinking back now, he could remember seeing John and Natalie look at each other from across the room-before she and Jared were married, and after they were married. She always looked at John that way. Jared guessed he just chose to ignore it. John McBain had everything Jared ever wanted. As he stood there, he felt someone walk up next to him. He knew who it was by her scent.

He heard her sigh deeply before she spoke, "It's all been taken care of. Tea Delgado has everything she needs. Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Look at them", he said, "she was never mine…never. She has always been his."

"I tried to tell you", she said bitterly.

"You did", Jared walked away from the window, down the hall and out of the hospital without looking back.

Evangeline stood there for a few more minutes. She watched as John leaned over and kissed Natalie on the forehead then turned to listen to something his daughter was telling him. She had always seen the way John looked at Natalie. Before John even realized how he felt about her. What surprised her was that he still looked at Natalie that way. 'Well good for you, John', she thought. She turned in the opposite direction and walked out the way she had come.


	21. Chapter 21

She would have been married two years today, had their marriage been legal. Instead it was her wedding day. Again. John wanted to get married right away but, by the time the divorce was final it was only a few weeks until their 'anniversary', so she made him wait. As she sat in a chair next to the fireplace in their bedroom she smiled as she studied the portrait above the mantle.

It used to hang above the fireplace in living room. It had recently been replaced by a portrait of the five of them. And this portrait had been moved up here. It was of her and John on their wedding day two years ago. It was more of a candid picture and everyone had been surprised at her choice to display it. There were two actually, one taken seconds after this one. They were taken by Gigi in between the formal shots taken by the photographer they had hired. Not that it was a large wedding. Just family and a few friends, in the garden at Llanfair.

They were standing in front of the rose bushes with his arm slung low across her back to her hip. Their bodies turned toward each other, their faces angled down but, their eyes locked on each other. Her looking up at him threw her lashes and him looking so tenderly down at her. It looked like they had been sharing a secret, which they actually were. John was whispering that he had seen Roxy pinch one of the servers on the ass and when the server turned around it was a woman. And the woman smiled at Roxy.

The next photograph taken seconds later, had always been hidden away up here. It was a moment just between the two of them that she didn't want to share. That smaller photo sat in an easeled frame on the mantle. Her head thrown back in laughter but, it was the smile on his face and the way he was looking at her that she loved about that one.

There were no pictures taken today. Just a quick trip over to city hall this afternoon and to a judge that was a friend of John's. With just Destiny and her Uncle Bo as witnesses. No reception, or flowers or cake today. They would be going to her mother's tonight for dinner. Eve would be joining them and between their two mothers, John and Natalie were persuaded to let them keep the children for the night. It wasn't necessary they had told them. They had thought they were married for over a year already, they'd had their wedding night but, their mothers wanted them to have some special time alone.

"There you are. What's wrong?" He asked her coming into the room.

"Nothing", she smiled up at him, "just remembering the first one." She looked back at the portrait.

"Actually, that was the third time, if I remember correctly", he said as he sat down on the edge of the chair next to hers. She smiled and looked down sadly.

"Yeah, you're right", she said and started to get up. He couldn't read the look on her face.

"Hey, what is it?" he reached out and grabbed her hand.

She looked down at him and sighed. "I guess I am just thinking about all the time we wasted. It makes me sad sometimes to think of it. We could have been married for years by now instead of one day."

He stood up and pulled her to him. "Everything happened the way it was supposed to, don't dwell on what you can't change. You taught me that. We might not be together now if things wouldn't have worked out the way they did."

"I know, and I love were we are now so….you're right. No more over thinking things", she smiled up at him. Running her arms up and around his neck, the fingers of one hand buried in his hair.

"At least for tonight", he whispered. Kissing her immediately hard and deep. His hands ran up her back from her waist to the top of the zipper on her dress. He pulled it gently down and pushed the white, lace strapless dress down her hips to pool on the floor at her feet.

She started undoing the buttons on his shirt as he walked them backwards toward the bed. They came to a stop as the backs of her knees hit the mattress. He stood with his arms around her as she undressed him. She had started on his pants when she suddenly looked up at him.

"What?" he whispered.

She bit her lip and ran her hands over his chest, "I think I would like a bath." She whispered back as his pants hit the floor. He smiled down at her as he kicked them away.

"I like the sound of that", he picked her up and carried her to the tub.

The next morning, they'd picked up the kids and had breakfast with their mother's. Eve was heading back to Jersey this morning. She had to leave for a cruise in a few days and needed to get back home to get things in order. Natalie would have loved to visit with her for a few days but, they would see her again at the holidays.

Knowing the kids would go down easy for naps after being with their grandparents all night, she started up the stairs with them as soon as they got home.

"Can you grab the mail?" she asked him as they came in. She was carrying Alana and holding Liam's hand.

"Yup", he said from behind her, he was carrying the baby. Her sweet little baby, Sean Thomas. They had a hard time coming up with a name for him. But, when Eve suggested Sean and said it was a form of the name 'John' in Irish, she knew that was it. And Thomas for John's father of course.

"What's that?" She asked looking over his shoulder.

"An invitation to Blair's new night club's grand opening", he said, " 'Shelter' ." He handed her the post card.

" 'Shelter'? That's a stupid name", she muttered. Setting the diaper bag and her purse down, she turned to ask, "are we going to go? It's in the basement of 'Capricorn'."

"To a night club? I'd rather gouge my eye's out with a spoon", he smiled at her as she passed by him on the way to the stairs. He heard her giggle behind him.

"Hey", John called before she got all the way up. "I need to meet an informant this afternoon, you going to be ok?"

"Right now?" she asked, she was hoping for a nap herself or maybe just some alone time with John.

"Well, yeah. It's about Evangeline and Jared", he said hoping she would understand.

"Yeah", she said as she smiled at him. Since he was holding the baby, she reached for him and said, "I got this. Go…but, be careful. Please."

"I will, always. I'll be back in an hour at the most", he said and he leaned over to catch her lips in a quick kiss. She smiled as she watched him leave.

Natalie finally got all three kids down. It was a rare day when they all went down at once. Thinking it had been close to an hour since John left, and she was hoping for some quiet, quality time with her husband she bound down the stairs. Stopping dead in her tracks, she couldn't believe her eyes. It was her worst nightmare coming true. Her mind was scrambling to remember where the nearest gun was hidden.

She had her grandfathers shot gun upstairs locked up in a cabinet and John's service revolver would be locked up in a strong box on the top shelf in their closet. John also had a gun locked in his nightstand. She had the key to the gun cabinet, it was an antique key and it hung on a chain around her neck. That would be quickest. And wouldn't that be appropriate since she'd used it once before. If only she could get back up the stairs before she made any noise. Probably not.

She could grab the vase to her right, she never liked it anyways. Either way, she couldn't let her get near her children. No, she had to go for the gun. She took a step backward up the stairs.

"Natalie?"

She snapped her head around, and John was standing right there. It took a moment for her brain to catch up with her eyes. He was standing there calmly, why wasn't he doing anything. She saw another man had walked into the room. Natalie looked back and forth between the two people standing in the middle of her living room and her husband.

Walking over to where she was standing on the stairs he asked in a whisper, "what are you doing? You ok?"

"What's going on?" She asked him cautiously. He didn't answer her. He looked down and ran his hand over the back of his neck. She tried to control her anger but, she didn't succeed.

"Do you mind telling me why Marty fucking Saybrooke is standing in my living room?!"

THE END (for now)


End file.
